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A few months ago I lost my three best friends out of the blue. i was completely blind sided. This isn't the story I'm going to tell its just important information you need to know. My grades started suffering (Im in HS btw) and I was completely alone because along with those three best friends my whole friend group took their side and left me alone. I didn't know what to do with my time. I used to text my friends and Face Time them almost everyday. I was used to being able to go to them when I was upset but now I had little to no human interaction on a deep level. I have acquaintances at school but no one like them. After a few months on my own I started to hang out with a new group of friends but they're a lot different than my last. I can't be as crazy or loud with them and I find myself worrying about every single thing I do when I'm around them, but not because they want me to, I just feel obligated. This is putting so much weight on me. The only way I can describe it is an aching or feeling so helpless/stressed that I physically am hurting. I know that it's my fault and that no one is forcing me to worry so much but I don't know how to stop. I want that connection I had with my friends so badly and the fact that this isn't the same is just making me disappointed. There's a hole and I know somethings missing.
I'm a singer and I'm not going to lie, I'm a good one. I thought that once the musical came around (I do the school musical every year and have since sixth grade) that hole would be filled, all of my new friends are leads with me so I thought everything would start to fall into place. But i'm struggling still with these same feelings. To make matters WORSE a boy that I've had a small crush on was casted as my love interest. You might be asking "Why's that bad?" or "Wouldn't that make you happy?" well I'm asking myself that same thing. I thought that this would be a good opportunity to get to know him better and spend more time with him. But he's been acting weird lately. He is more awkward around me and short in our conversations, he pays more attention to other girls and he never texts me anymore. I don't know if that's just him being him, (he's a pretty awkward and kind of formal guy) or if maybe he's uncomfortable with the whole situation. This is adding a whole other layer to my "hopeless" feeling, whatever you wanna call it. Just that I want him to like me, even if it's just as friend, so badly. I just want to say all the right things all the time. But I never do.
Today in rehearsal we were learning a dance, me and him are usually partners because we are like.. in love or whatever. That's not important, anyway! We were learning the dance and at some point he got frustrated and with the hot stage lights and the fact that we had been dancing for two hours with little water, he was tired. He sat down and he seemed off. I wanted so badly to ask him what was wrong, I wanted him to TELL me what's wrong so that I could help. I thought that I had done something wrong because we were trying to work out this dip and I was having trouble. But I just stood there, he stood up. I said "are you ok?" and he just said "oh, yeah" and we kept dancing. I can't figure him out and I want to so badly. I find myself eating less because I want to look thinner, just in case that's a reason he doesn't like me in that way. I've always been a good dresser and I'm fairly pretty but I started wearing a little more makeup and making more of an effort. He used to compliment my outfits but he doesn't anymore and I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong! I thought maybe it's because I'm too loud and obnoxious (I'm very very extroverted and I have a loud voice) so now I'm quieter, and I watch what I say.
Somebody please tell me what to do.
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Gurlll, if he doesn't like you for you, then he's stupid. I really hope things work out between you and your friends. You just need to go with the flow and remember that if someone doesn't like or agree with you, that's their problem. I think it's super cool that you're into musical theater and singing(i am too). I bet you have some killer vocals. If you need someone to talk to, my insta is @rachelbluedolphin
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