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Everyday I wake up knowing that I am going to hate my day. My goals, my tasks, errands. They are never for me. They are always for the benefit of others. They are always things that other people need done and just automatically expect of me. I do not work. I do not go to school. even though I wish to. So I end up having ample amounts of "free" time in which my family loves to take advantage of. Now don't get me wrong, I love to help others and be a helpful member of family but What I don't want is to be a slave. Which exactly what I am. Its has become my only identity. That is actually the only life that I do know. I want more for myself. I and 100% sure that I am capable of more. I just don't what that might be.
My family doesn't really give me the encouragement to grow and find out what that "more" might be. They talk a lot of game but are never truly open to me doing more than going to the library or Barnes and Nobles. Waling around that mall. Putting on makeup. I don't go anywhere. I don't do anything. I don't have experiences. The most exciting thing in my life is finding new acrylic nail patterns at CVS. And that type of simple euphoria only lasts for a little while.
I am craving more in my life.Sadly. I have come to realize that the things that I once hate are giving me the slightest purpose. They are helping me to feel again. In all honesty, I think that is what I need the most right now. I just want to feel something other than rage, resentment or despair all the time. But how do I start? I dont have the time, money or resources to out into that I know deep down I don't actually want. So what do I do?
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talk to me. that might help.
are you old enough to break away from your family?
ReplyThink about what you'd be doing with more autonomy and time, there's lots of options. What might help is to picture the perfect day from start to finish, and use that as kind of a guideline for what you'd like for your life to look like. Perhaps the issue can be resolved in an open dialogue with the parents, get their opinion. You might say something like "I'm ready for more responsibility in my life, ready for new endeavors and challenges." They may have valuable insight into ways to accomplish this. If you get a feeling of satisfaction helping others, there's volunteer groups with both churches and non-government organizations that do humanitarian efforts; you'll learn valuable skills while also interacting with many who will be grateful for the help, and it will also look great on a resumé.
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