My Unsent Letter

To her:

I’m disappointed that deciding to ghost me was the best option and method of proceeding after my roommate killed himself the night of our first date.

I am disappointed at myself for letting you get away with it.

I am mad that you didn’t get a chance to meet him.

I am mad vulnerability wasn’t enough to save you, or him.

I am worried that my last words to him were "have fun in class, love you."

I am worried that in the moment, they were hollow and half-hearted.

I am confused why he didn’t glance back as he walked down the stairs.

I am confused why she is still in this poem.

I am regretful I was with you as he occupied his last moments on earth.

I am regretful I laughed watching a movie.