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P.s. I took my sleeping pills for my insomnia so mind me if this gets a bit weird or wacky.
I need a hug so bad. So many of us just need someone to talk to, but we push them away and close our eyes, wanting to stay blind to the faults in our world. Why do we breed in such a rancid, disgusting world? Why do we impose existence on the nonexistent? I hate this so much. Why do we do this? Why? I just want to be free. I want to finally feel like I belong. Life is inherently exhausting. We all deserve a break we couldn't possibly be given. True happiness is only attainable when your surroundings are peaceful, which they never will be. This world doesn't deserve us.
I pitifully attempt to supplement social interactions with the internet. Just like addicts, I try and fail to replace relationships with something I can control. I just want to be happy. Is that so outlandish? I want to be happy. Please, let me smile again without fear. Depression is like seeing heaven and being forced back down to earth- a true hell, you live your entire life pondering what it would be like to live in that world.
I've been depressed since a very young age. Too young. Hell, I'm still young. I'm 13. What a world, what a world. I see neurotypical people, who can prepare food, stand in place, look people in the eyes, say that what they are doing is easy... I feel weak. The societal standards are isolating for someone like me.
Validation is so hard to find. As you look for it, it can make you worse as people can dig you deeper into your rut. I just want a hug but I get backstabbed.
I dont even know why I'm writing this. I'm never going to see it again. I'm so tired. I'm gonna go to bed. Please be kind and assume everyone is hurting and treat them as such. They probably are, as pain is unavoidable.
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First of all, your way of expressing your ideas and writing is ... amazing tbh. when you said you were 13 i was rather surprised. but anyways, i know.
and i agree, everything i think you just put into words.
The world won't ever completely change, so i just try to focus on the positives and spread my own positivity. sigh. sadly this is what we are growing up in. keep living on. dont just be alive. LIVE if you get what i mean :)
much much love stranger. the last two sentences are spot on, continue being self aware and loving everyone. :)) you deserve happiness, i can tell.
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