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I was born into a Muslim family of 6 and currently live with my mother, father and younger brother. Ever since I was a little child, religion always came first before affection, respect and love, and at some times, I just felt like I want to escape, as if it were like a prison of which I was entrapped upon. I was always reminded not to fall in love or eat pork and so many other things, but I wonder yet today how it isn't possible to do something which is in the nature of every human. Apparently, my cousins were eying on me and I honestly disliked the idea of marrying someone who is like a brother to me and that is 5+ years older than me. I was always forced to do things I didn't want to and my parents always yelled at me. This made me feel as though everything, every move I make is wrong. I felt, and still do feel like I am wrong and that I'm supposed to be this perfect thing, and that it was wrong to be myself. I wanted to be myself - I needed to be myself, from the way I dressed to what I believe. In my sense of view, this is was merely impossible and it hurts me everytime I remember this fact. I have no choice, and it feels like my parents are always watching me, so I must wear an abaya and hijab. :(
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Honestly, I can't relate on religion, as I don't have any religion that I practice. I can relate on how society sometimes expects so much from you, making you feel like you need to be something that they want and less like yourself.
I wish I could help but I feel this is beyond my own control and clearly a touchy subject. My solution of this would be to run away, be free and find a place where you're not restricted in being yourself. It's not even about whether you're religious or not, it's about being your ownself. It's about being treated like a human being with rights. However, there could be potential harms and consequences that comes with that in your case.
I hope you can eventually find comfort and freedom elsewhere.
All the best of luck to you.
_- Jas
Replyi am extremely sorry that you have to go through this.
ReplyWhen you become an adult if you are not already, you can do what you want. They can't stop you. Get a good education and a good job or career and make your own rules.
ReplyIf you are an adult, you can wear what you want. You have autonomy and agency to follow your own path.
Reply