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Sometimes I wish I could stop caring so much for others. Sometimes I wish I didn’t feel anything because of others. Just so I don’t have to feel the pain. I wish I was numb at times. They tell me it’s not fair to them to “feel this way” because of my opinion. I’m sorry that I can’t control myself. But it’s not fair for ME to just sit here and watch you slowly but surely kill yourself. It’s not fair for me to have a war because you think you need it to get through the day. While damaging yourself your also damaging me. I’m surrounded by a field of land mines. Grasping on to every little moment they can get to blow. My mine exploding left and right. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be alright. Sometimes they explode over small things. Sometimes they explode over absolutely nothing. I feel like the bombs will always remain. I try my best to hide the war inside of me. Keeping all my secrets, incicuratys, and problems to myself. I put on a mask to make everyone happy. I put it on to make it seem as if everything’s alright. I try to smile everyday to not disappoint. I try to not let them see the true me. I try to seal up the cracks. But there are times when I’m found. I’m asked “what’s wrong?” But some already know the answer. They know what they can do to prevent my war but yet they still let me crash and burn time after time. It makes me feel like they honestly don’t care. There goes another bomb. It all starts back up again day after day. The endless loop of hurt and pain. I sometimes wish I could just surrender myself. At times I wish I could go to my final home. At times I wish I could fall asleep and never wake up again. All I want is peace on this battle field. I wish I’d stop caring for others so I don’t have to hurt because of them. Just so the land mines would stop and for the war to be over.
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ReplyYou obviously have a good heart. Dont let anybody change it. I get i care too much as well sometimes. It hurts at times but compassion usually triumphs in the end. At least you know youre a good person. Thats what matters.
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