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2019 almost comes to end, i have a lot on my mind that i just need somebody to listen without judging me. Next year, i would turn 19 on January and that hits me hard that I'm actually would be an adult very soon now I'm in college and everything is wrong to me i guess.
I have this kind of feelings where I'm bored with all the life cycle such eat,work,sleep,enjoy time with friends/family, spending money on things, homework, making friends, be in love and more. I always tell myself that i such be grateful cause i got so much then others can, I'm not from rich family but i have all the things that poor people would wish to have for but these constant reminder that i should be grateful is eating up my guiltiness cause i just don't WHY but everything i do in my life right now is making me bored i don't know how to describe this feelings but i just don't feel anything like I'm happy at the time but soon after i feel nothing. I hate everything around me I JUST WANT TO SCREAM I'M TIRED i just want to give up on everything i do and sleep sometimes i do think i better be death but i not having any urge to suicide.
I have anxiety so I'm always on the edge always having this unsettle feelings, i always overthinking then i can't sleep cause i think to much but i just can't help it people reaction to me is the most matter issue, i scared people will hate me when they know the real me.
I am not gay or lesbian but i love watching boys love drama or read BL novel but people around me especially my friends hate all the things related to gay and i can't happily talk about the BL drama i just watch, i don't have any topic to talk with them because people surrounding me hate gay. I watch anime, J- drama and K-drama but they rarely want to talk about this topic so i will keep quiet when they talk i would be the listener.
Can someone help me explain all the things I'm feeling right now cause i can't. Help me
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You are the one feeling these things and only you so you are the one to explain what you're feeling. You are taking life for granted and should try to stop doing this. Poor people in third world countries who have hardly anything are happy. Yet people in a western country who have more than they should are miserable. Put most of your belongings away and try to live with only the bare necessities. Don't use hot water in your bath or shower, wash all of your clothes etc. by hand and hang them out to dry or on a balcony or on inside racks. You can string up a line inside. Don't cook your food and eat salads. No tv or tablet or games etc. and no internet. No phone except for police fire, or ambulance. If you own a car don't use it. Use public transport instead and after you lose all of these things that you are used to. See how long you can go without these things until you rush to have them back in your life. Then be grateful!
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