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I'm tired. I'm so very tired of it all. Of the worry. The fear. The despair. The anger. Silencing myself. Making it louder. I'm tired of my friends not reaching out. I'm tired of me not reaching out. I'm tried of feeling like I don't deserve to get better. That my problems are irrelevant. That I don't matter and I'm being dramatic. That's it's all a part of getting older So I should suck it up. I'm tired of hating myself. Of looking in the mirror and seeing only ugly. I'm tired of feeling as though no one could ever love me. I'm tired of imagining the end. What I would say. What it would feel like. If I'd be scared. What people would think when I'm gone. My dad said that was the easy way. That people who did that couldn't face reality. His view has changed. But he can't take that back. So what am I to everyone when I'm gone. Am I the friend they lived or the person they hated. And I'm someone they'll forget about in w few days. Or maybe weeks. Will they care. Will they mourn me or move on. Will they have the time. What am I taking away from the world aside from myself. What would it do. What good does me staying around do either. I make people feel good? I make them feel loved, make them see the good in themselves? I offer something to be taken. That's what I'm thinking. They've decided they can take from me and won't give back. I'm someone to beat around for fun, to throw mean words at and still expect loyalty. And still know that I'll cherish them. Is that what I've become. I'm a daughter and a sister but how long would they care. How long would it matter. It's less expenses. Less drama. Less trouble. How do I know my friends care. That they won't leave. That they'll decide I'm not worth wasting tears. But what if I stick around. How long do I have to feel all of this. How long do I have to realise other people have real problems. How long do I have to hate me. How long do I have to forgive the world. How long do I have until I forgive myself. How long until I'm too tired. It's weird thinking of myself as just a body. Wierd cuz I hate that. I hate the thought that there's no depth beyond my form. The form that I starve and oush and want to look differbent. The form that won't listen and continues to rebel. The one that has decided it doesn't need to be here.
Dear anyone. I'm tired. I don't know how much longer I can be tired.
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hey someone, you're not alone. I feel the same way too. We're all hurting just like you. It's normal to to feel tired, to worry, to feel alone, to feel like we haven't done enough, to feel like we're not worthy of love, acceptance or all of the great things in this world, or that we don't deserve to be happy. We all have anxieties, insecurities, or problems that we face almost everyday. But you are not alone. We may have these crap to deal with, but we deal with it together.
I had just read this letter, and I've realized that I'm not the only human who feels the same way about myself. I deeply, genuinely care for you. And so does the other lonely people who would come across this letter. We're all here for each other. :)
I don't know if you believe in God, like I do, but from what I've learned, He is a great listener to all of our worries and problems maybe you could try throwing all your worries to Him, and He'll always be there to listen. We are also here to listen. :)
Hope this helps :)
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