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"love yourself," they say. "you're beautiful! what are you talking about?" they say. i know its not with ill intent, yet i find resentment and bitterness running through my brain. i grew up always hearing that i wasn't pretty enough or that i needed to change to please others. and although i don't live for others, that mentality has found its way into the deepest corners of my mind. as much as i try to reject it, it won't leave. it's like a constant voice in my head, taunting and teasing me for being unhappy with what i see in the mirror everyday. i'm not obese, nor am i conventionally ugly. but i'm not the opposite, either. maybe some people really do find beauty in my image, but the fact is that i don't. and it's one thing that i have to live with this looming over my head constantly, but on top of that, my emotions are invalid because i'm not fat nor ugly enough to receive sympathy. little do people know of my body dysmorphia and eating disorder. it's gotten especially bad these past few months, and i haven't felt free in a long time. there's a constant weight on my chest and i feel as if i haven't had a breath of fresh air in so long. i don't want to be skinny or beautiful--i want to be happy. but i don't know if i'll ever feel that.
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Please talk to your doctor about all this. Then if you need to see a therapist the doctor will let you know.
ReplyWhenever I am feeling down about the way I look I like to nurture my mind which is something I can actually be proud of. Do some nice writing, read a book, study, make yourself better in a way you can control when your mind is spiraling about the ways you cant. For exaple did you know magpies can recognise their own reflection? that makes them technically smarter than a human baby (who cant identify their reflection until about 8 months) BOOM youre smarter.
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