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So, new year, new me right? Well I don't fall into that trap nor do I believe in such a practise for quite a few years now. It's always been another year, another day. Yet, this year I feel like making changes but because it is a new year (or new decade for that matter) but because of circumstances.
I am 28 years old (29 in may). I still live with my parents, I am single (which I am happy being), am nowhere near financially or even qualified to buy my own home yet and am a self-employed painter decorator. I graduated university in 2017 after studying psychology (for 2 years after failing to get into third year) and history (my final degree) and found myself straight back into working as a painter due to my lack of guidance for a career, not being qualified enough to get into a teaching course and pressure from my parents to get a job. I attended night school for 2 years to get higher qualifications in math (in order to qualify for teaching) and to be a therapist which was my career choice when starting uni. I completed my math course, with another year left before I could qualify for teaching, but quit my therapy course into second year due to feeling burnt out from academics and its demanding schedule for night classes, assignments and finding work placements.
I found employment as a painter with a company but was sacked after several months. I believe it to be due to incompetence as a result of me not being in the trade for 4 years. With no one else hiring me I signed up with an agency who found me temporary work here and there. It was during a snow blizzard in march 2018 when I was stuck in that I decided to start my own business. I made my own website, started advertising on several advertising pages and eventually started working for myself. 2018 I worked between the agency and my own business. 2019 saw me working primarily as an independent company.
I feel good about my business and it has been a great confidence boost after struggling in academics and having no clear career goals. But the money isn't too great (I've maybe earned 17k in my first year and perhaps 20k in my second. I haven't bought my own van yet but being self employed has been expensive due to advertising, insurance and sometimes my poor judgement in pricing jobs. I have been put under pressure from my parents to pursue teaching again or therapy. For teaching I need another year of night school in math before I could qualify for another year of teaching training and then lord only knows how long after that before I would find a stable job somewhere. Plus I have no experience with kids and my people skills are pretty minimal. For therapy it would be another 2 years of night school (which I would need to pay for) then it may need to be a masters degree which would take so many years before I'd even be qualified to practise.
I have not planned my life out. I didn't want to think about the future and settling down. I wanted to explore, go on adventures, make friends and experience living. But as I have gotten older I have matured (slightly I may add) and now see my lack of dignity in living. I never had any career goals or dream job. I never knew what I wanted to do or where I wanted to be. I only wanted to have friends (which I never truly had) and live life before I couldn't anymore. But now I find myself feeling embarrassed just for being the age I am and where I am at such a stage in life. My family have always thrived in career goals and academics. I am the black sheep. Many friends of mine, younger than me, have made strives in their own lives with jobs, buying homes and settling down with someone. I feel I have not made any changes or progress in my life. Perhaps in a deep emotional or self aware sense but that's the limit. I enjoy my job but am aware it may not serve me well in the long run and considering I studied 4 years in uni and several afterwards it feels like I've wasted many years of my life. I consider experience invaluable and feel proud of going to uni, travelling abroad for work and seeing more of the world and the people in it. But they only serve me as memories now and cannot be added to a cv or boost my career in any way.
I am ashamed of myself. I have days where I acknowledge my slowness in life and take pride that I am making progress and am maturing as more experience hits me. But I also have days where I don't see any progress to come and only my inevitably shrinking life as I retreat from others to hide my self-shame and not face other people's judgement in my life decisions.
If you feel this way, in any way, please comment. I feel strong some days and can carry the heavy weight of life on my shoulders, but if I can offer any help to anyone else, even if just by acknowledging your troubles, it can make all the difference.
Thank you reader.life
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Your parents shouldn't have pressured you. They should have let you do what you wanted as you can't live your life for your parents. I hated school so when my sons were at school I told them to have days off whenever they felt like it. My oldest went all the way in school and went to uni and did a course in computer science. My other son also went to uni and has a degree in psychology. So me telling them school was horrible and no good had no effect on them at all. However, I never would put pressure on anyone to do anything as far as work or careers go. Parents can suggest or hint. But no one needs extra pressure. I know they want the best for you, but maybe if they left you alone you would have been in a better situation than you are now.
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