Writing out all my thoughts and emotions makes me feel...

i think life is too short to be nice. so if you want to say no you should be able to say no. regardless of the outcome atleast then you have conveyed your feelings. i think we waste too much of ourselves in thinking that the other person will get hurt. it all tolls on you. people who really give a damn about you will come back whatsoever. they will understand sooner or later. and if not you always have your mom and dad who are with you un-conditionally. not bound by any other motives than thinking good for you. so i make a promise to myself at this very moment if something is not gelling with me i will say so to the opposite person be they anyone my friend, my wife, my in laws or anyone else. there is really no use of bottling yourself up and giving a brave "understanding" face. if you don't like it say it. you will say it in a gentle polite way and you will have to be accepting of taking the same behaviour from others. but hey, in your case others have always behaved like that anyway its you who has bottled yourself up. and then you end up having a night like this one. so wish you the best. speak your heart from now on.