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I fell in love with someone when I was 12, and the thing is its been 10 years. I finally realized shes not who I feel in love with all those years ago. My mind has perfected her grace, magnificence, and errors. She is perfection, yet my realization is she not who I believe her to be. I am in no way blaming her, for it is not her fault. It is my own. my obsession has driven my idea of her deeper into my mind. my constant love has made her a goddess to me. Yet I realize that I made her this way for myself. Yet even with this delusion revealed I continue to circle back to her. She has been the gauge I measure others with. Yet I measure up poorly. I have blindly given this girl now woman my life and love. Now its like a spell is broken over me and I can finally see. Yet I dont know what to look at and I just keep looking at her. Its like im making progress and yet its only going deeper into my love for someone who sees me as, what I can only hope to be seen as at this point is a creep. Yet I cant turn it off. I dont think about her when Im in a relationship. however I think thats cause deep down I believe I found an aspect of her to some degree. Yet it never works out. normally because of my constant need and lack of restraint.
The only thing I say to anyone I fall for is im so very sorry, that im toxic.
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