Do I like him?

I think I am starting to like one of my friends. I don't really want to.

The reason why I am so apprehensive is because this has happened before.

Last year, I was confused and pressured to like him by friends. My friend had a friend to relate to with her crush and well I was the only female friend she had. She wasn't necessarily aggressive in constantly asking me if I liked him but, it was more she always did. It was also my fault for going along with it instead of standing up for myself. I managed like a complete fool make myself like him. I never got to completely let me feelings, if any, flourish naturally. I rushed them so I could finally have a close female friend. In the end, the girl who was pressuring me so bad ended up dating him. We are not friends for many reasons but back then that was the final straw.

I ended up coming to his university and well we got a lot closer. He has been there for me this whole time. He makes me happy just hanging out with him because it's so chill. I don't really want to change things.

But I don't want to start liking him. I don't want to put pressure on him ya know. I don't want to make him uncomfortable with my feelings and take advantage of his kindness. It's been rolling around my head and I am unsure.

Do I really like him in that way? I love him as my dear friend because we helped each other a lot. He means quite a bit to me and I got his back. Am I liking him because of what he has done for me? Or am I just not letting my feelings develop because I don't think it's my own idea? I want to like him because I had that own though. No one has pressured me. Am I pressuring myself? Am I just pushing this possible connection away because I am scared or worried? Well that one is a yes.

I guess the best thing to do is just wait. I don't know what to do with these feelings or whatever. I have no clue. Do you guys have any ideas?