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Hello. Okay. So here we go...
I was in a relationship for 8 months where I fell in love for the first time. We both fell in love very hard and very fast. I knew and voiced to him at the very beginning that I was going to be moving away to a remote country. We were both okay with just seeing where the relationship went. But as I've told you, it ended up getting more serious than we had anticipated.
Fast-forward to maybe a month before I move, and suddenly we are having all sorts of problems. When we confronted the issue, he said that I was being distant and giving him mixed messages. I told him, which was sincerely the truth, that I had not meant to be like that at all, and after thinking about it, I thought that maybe my mind was trying to prematurely prepare me to leave him by making me distant. I shared this thought with him and told him that his sensitivity to the situation could be him doing the same. We explored this possibility and others, but our problems arose off and on until everything exploded on our last night together, two days before I moved. I was driving us home and he asked why I was so distant and if I even wanted to spend the last night with him. The conversation escalated to the point where I had to pull over because I couldn't see the road through my tears. We stopped. We talked. I cried. I got out of the car for some space. He quickly followed to console me. I cried more. I didn't mean to hurt him and all I was doing was unintentionally hurting him for the last month. I hated the idea that I was hurting him. We got back in the car. We talked. I cried. He cried. We talked. We drove home. I stayed the night. We were very close that night. It was nice. He had never seen me cry before. I rarely ever cried. Only for him.
Now I've been moved to my new home for the next few years. We decided to continue with our original plan and end it. We initially said that we should take at least a month to ourselves to adapt before we talk again. That did not last long. A couple days in he messaged me. And I responded. And we haven't stopped. We know where our relationship stands, and that we are no longer together and are free to see other people. I even asked to make sure he understood that. Yet, we talk to eachother every day. We wish eachother a good night. We send our love to one another. We did establish guidelines for if one of us gets involved with someone. So at least that is healthy, right?
On days like today where I miss having him to hold and when I miss his kisses, my mind automatically goes to the bad things that had happened. Idk if I'm trying to tell myself that I don't want him and need to move on. Or that we got through that with so much love and we can get through being so far apart. Idk what I'm thinking. But all I know right now is that it would be so hard to lose him in my life, and I don't want to stop talking to him while I'm here.
I mostly wanted to get it all out there, but advice is welcome.
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A long distance romance is hard to keep alive, but you two are keeping your relationship alive very well. Distance hasn't kept you apart. Now it's up to one of you to save to move so that you both can be together. That should be exciting. Or both of you can save to help one of you move to make the move happen sooner.
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