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I date a man who divorced his high school sweetheart and wife of ten years about a year and half before I met him. He has a high stress career. He has 3 kids and one lives with us.
He and I had it all for the first 6 months until I moved in. Things changed and they got bad. He cheated and lied and he takes his self-hate and issues out on me in anger. I am not perfect. I try to be, I try to give this all I have, and he pushes me away. If I leave him alone, it's not enough. If I try, It's too much. We fight so much lately. When we fight he is truly and deeply cruel-hearted. I can't imagine saying things like he says to anyone. I won't bore you with details... He even gets a bit pushy and physical. Then I pay the price and have to behave and leave him alone indefinitely until we can be on decent terms again. I hurt so badly, I suffer mentally and emotionally. I recently started pouring into myself again and taking care of me. That isn't working either.
Outside of us, he is or sets himself out there as together and a funny, charming, clever, handsome man. Some days we can enjoy one another.
I love this man. I love who he was and what we had. He doesn't want me but doesn't want to let go either. Maybe we have similar wounds. Maybe it's a trauma bond. Maybe... I don't know. I just know he is never coming back to us.
I feel like dying. This feels like dying. I hate myself and I know I have no reason to.
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He's clearly not the man you first fell for, and I think you're staying with him only because of who he USED to be. You need to put yourself first, and make decisions that will make YOU happy. Sometimes we have to let go of people that we used to love, for the bettering of ourselves.
Replyim changed, so he can too. Any phase in life won't be forever, situation will be different and something will force him to kill his little demon in his heart. Stay smart to the situation, leaving him is also an option. Just stay smart, consider giving him a sense of guilt in a special way he can take perfectly. he realises your pain, he knows you are in hurt, he's stressed, "He is a damn fool who lost his control" and yes it's dangerous! control your actions between trying to leave and giving him another chance, dont hurt yourself, you are strong i can see, if you expose the relationship to the world, people would hug you so tight!
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