It still hurts...

I didn't wish to be born like this to be a pathetic hot mess.

Was fate and destiny cursed me the moment i got out in my mother's womb?

The more i grew up closer and closer to everyone the more i became isolated, tortured by prejudice, riddled with anger and hate.

I despise my parents for making me like this, a pathetic man-child that was subjected to prejudice, being secretly discriminated and humiliated. To this day, i'm planting my hatred to my mom and my dad and its still continues to this very day.

Because of this dreadful curse of mine, it only brought me pain and trauma emotionally and psychologically from childhood to adulthood so much so that i wanted to hurt myself in order to get rid of the pain inside my soul and having a semi-nihilistic view of this world and to the people around me.

I should have died five years ago by dengue. I wish my mom didn't brought me to the hospital and she lets me lay down in my bed instead where i can vomit blood for days until i can die painfully.

Maybe i can contract dengue once again and this time it will be fatal and i could finally die as i wanted to be, who knows.