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I keep getting this panic, like i did something wrong. I keep feeling like my parents are hovering over my shoulder, ready to pounce on me for the smallest mistake. It's like i'm expecting them to pin me against the wall and interrogate me while i'm having a panic attack, like they used to do. I've gotten so, so good and appeasing them, they think i'm completely innocent! Don't get me wrong, i'm a good kid, but it has never, ever been enough for them. I know they have gotten less horrible over the years, but on nights like this i still feel that shear terror. There's no good reason, but i can't get rid of it. People my age are out partying, hanging out with friends and probably getting completely wasted, while i'm panicking that my parents will somehow find out about the horror movie i watched last month. My parents have gotten so much better, but i am so afraid that they will decide to tear my life apart for some irrational reason. They've manipulated and lied to me so many times, it's so damn hard to trust them, even when they seem like they're trying to play nice. Damn it, i don't wanna live with all this fear! I just wanna be free
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It is such a shame that there is no where else for you to live. I had a neighbour who had two teenagers of her own and took in three others who had to leave home. Places should be available for kids like you. Please try to find somewhere else to live.
ReplyI kinda wish i could just move out too. but, i will be 17 this summer, and where i'm from, you're pretty much a legal adult at that age. I have very, very limited real world experience, so i feel like i would crash and burn out there, but it might still be better than this.
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