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I've been working for my father for a while now. The reason I chose to work for him was because I was genuinely interested in the work he does. And also because I pretty much never got to see him after my parents split up. I was hoping he would teach me the type of work he does so that I can start earning my own money and become independent. He tells me about how he's going to teach me and how much money I'll be able to make, but he never gives me any of his time. Rather than teaching me, his only son how to do the important work, he hired completely random people and teaches them the work I want to do. I've been reduced to dealing with old documents from ten years ago or so. I wanted to learn better paying work so I can be independent, but my father pays no attention to me. Funny how a successful businessman doesn't want his own son to be successful.
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Does he know how to be a father? Or just a business man? Does he have experience interacting with kids or any really close blood relatives? I often hear people rave about the wonderful man my father is (being their boss and landlord on some occassions). I can understand your pain because I have never gotten the chance to see this wise man who builds people up into a better life. And everything with my father is so awkward! I've come to realize that he has no idea how to talk to me and that for some reason, conversations with me dont feel the same for him as when hes speaking to someone that's just on payroll. I dont believe that there is anything I can do in my instance. You have some options to leave the door cracked and drop a phone call to say you're putting in your effort, you can hang out in turmoil and uncertainty just awaiting his time, but for myself, I have begun the long process of accepting that I wont be left many stories or lessons from my father and that I can spend time making my own story; having my own strange respect for a man who couldn't father but still was a good man that contributed differently to my life. I try to appreciate the good he does but dont be fooled, I get defeatingly sad, frustrated, and even furious sometimes. But I had a psych lay it out for me like this; I can wait for however long I'd like, somewhat stagnant, waiting for him to have time or interest in investing in my future, or I can just start building my own future and then if he finds time, I can choose if I want to share mine. Having the option to say, "you put me off for decades, now I can return the favor" makes my vindictive frustration feel better even though I wouldn't. You can always learn his kind of business in a trade school or college, and you will probably have to ask for help, such is life, but if you ask 99 places and 5 give you assistance, that sounds like more than you're getting from your parent. You can do it. Take a deep breath everytime you get turned away, because then you are that much closer to those 5 who will help you.
ReplyThis looks like a job with no advancement. You could still be there in your forties doing not much more than you are doing now. There have been instances where a father has offered his son equal partnership in a business where only the father can make decisions and not allowing the son to make any on his own. You should leave. This doesn't sound like you haven't gained the experience for another job which maybe what your father wants.
Replythat's hard. maybe he doesn't know how to connect? have you tried going out for coffee and just talking about it? maybe give it some more time, in earnest, then after a month or two if you don't see improvement, maybe think about moving on, (in your job, but try not to write off the relationship) that's hard too.
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