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Dear mon amour,
Every now and then, I want to die. I feel as if I deserve to die, and in many ways, I do. For everything that I've done, and everything that I've failed to do, I am a terrible person. My mind feels like poison, as if it is trying to destroy me from the inside out. It tells me that I'm stupid, that I'm ugly, that I am and will never be good enough. Although I blame my mind as if it is a separate entity, it is merely an echo that voices what I truly believe and what I truly am. And in a world like this, there is often a divide, the strong and the weak. I have come to realize that I'm weak, so broken and butchered that I wear a mask. I wear a mask everyday so everyone around me thinks I'm strong, that I'm happy with who I am. But sometimes, everything I bury inside escapes. It explodes out of me and I break a little more inside. Everything becomes so much worse, until I end up empty. Cold, heartless, and alone. But then, I remember what it is to feel. You give me love, hope and happiness. You stay with me through everything. You hold me when I need it most, even if I push you away. You understand me in ways no one else can. And you accept me for me. But you don't deserve someone that is breaking on the inside. You don't deserve to be tossed around in the shards of my heart. I don't deserve you. Yet, you stay with me. You tell me that you love me and that I am worth it. You have helped me with so many things, and I am never going to be able to repay you for that.
With my emotional instability, why do you choose me, when you can have anyone else? I don't know how to control myself, I don't know how to express my emotions. But please know that I love you so much, I don't know if you truly understand that. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love the way you smile at me when I have a bad day. I love how you just know how I feel. I love how you tease me. I love how you shake your head with a smile whenever you're embarrassed. I love how you look into my eyes, and listen. I love how you are always there whenever I need you. You helped me learn what it is to love, and how it feels to be loved. I love you infinity plus 1, and everything else after that. Thank you for everything you've done. Thank you for loving me. Thank you for making me happy, even if it is only for a fleeting moment.
I love you, and it may seem weird, but please don't break my heart.
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Mon amour, or would you rather what we call each other - Meu amor?
Beautiful lines I must say. If you are who I presume you to be, I won't break you heart. Not as long as I still have one beating in my chest for you. I just ask of you, don't let it die. I am terrified of what I might become beyond our lives, what lies dormant in me, the rages I've suffered silently for the hurt you've brought to me.
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