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I am broken
This has changed me, I don’t recognize myself anymore. I love you but I can’t trust you, you lied and you have no idea, lie was not the issue. The issue was how you lied and for what. Was it all worth it? You said I didn’t give you the chance to put your thoughts together and decide, I’d hope there was no decision to make. You see, it hurts so terribly when you don’t even realize how you give yourself away with your words, unknowingly. You had a decision to make and I have never thought you were a choice in between A, B, or C. You see, with you I don’t think of my life having a plan B. Plan B’s are for those prone to fail and I vowed not to do so. It almost feels like you bring these thoughts afloat to tell me in a subtle way where you stand. But I have asked you to be straight with me, hurt me if you will. Don’t you get it my love, I am hurting already. I would never blame you for anything, but for this – you are making me hurt. I wish to receive it all at once instead of you feeding this pain slowly, day after day. Just kill me today, put the knife in my heart and be done with me. I miss you so terribly, every day by your side was paradise. Now I sit next to someone busy on their phone, always doing something else, always more interested on something else, someone else. If feel so divided, hell and heaven inside of me, but there are no boundaries between what’s dark and light. My world feels like this world before Genesis happened. The waters and land are mixed, the dark and the light scrambled in a mist of confusion, where I lost myself and become possessed by emptiness. A numb feeling that engulfs my being into pit where there is no sound or view.
Don’t let me die but if you will, please do it right and end me here and now. If you did love me at all, end me and set me free to go back into the world you found me in. Cut me loose and don’t look back, I know I won’t. Even though, I know I’ll see your face for the rest on my life. Even though I will spend the rest of my life, looking for you in someone else. I’ll become the pirate that goes on the seas looking for the forgotten treasures of myths and legends, what you and I were together, mere perfection.
I can’t hear no more
I can’t see no more
I can’t feel no more
I can’t be no more
I am broken as before, the way you found me. If God could grant me one wish, I’d be to cease to exist. So this burden can be lifted from your life, me. But everything brings a lesson in life, you thought me to never forget what I already knew – don’t become vulnerable, love will hurt you bad. Love can transform, but this mutation I am suffering was not what I had in mind. But love is lineal and move in both directions. Now my heart is going downwards, going back to hell, returning home.
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