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I'm a college student who just recently came to terms with the fact that I am battling depression. Before I came to terms with it however, I've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost two years now. Every time I think about our relationship it always makes me happy to relive all the happy moments we had, I mean even our arguments used to be so easy to resolve. But within the last year or so, every time we argue it is due to very small things and you'd think it would get resolved quickly but instead it turns into a much bigger argument where it seems like we both get annoyed by what the others says in response to each other or we bring up the past.
It was very hard for my significant other to hear that I wasn't really happy in life right now and that I am battling depression. I mean it was even hard for me to come to terms with and say out loud. When I did, that actually turned into an argument as well. We talked it through and everything seemed fine afterwards. It's been a while since then and we just had another big argument again.
We were having a regular conversation on what we are each stressed about, Me being school & Her being work. I had asked her a question as to why she was stressed and she began to respond so once I heard her answer I simply said "oh okay" and proceeded with my school work. However she ended up getting upset with me about that and it turned into such a huge argument over a simple word "okay".
She proceeded to tell me that she doesn't like the way I say things even if I say it the same way I always do on a daily basis. I didn't understand as to why it was such a huge issue for her now but every other day it was completely fine. I told her that i don't know what she wants me to do as that is just the way I say a simple word and she continued to say that she just won't "expect anything else from me, and that she just wont care anymore".
We used to be able to talk to each other about our issues and it would feel like a safe space to communicate and resolve the problems we were having. But lately, with coming to terms with my depression, hearing her say that made me immediately shut down and begin to cry. It feels like I constantly disappoint her no matter what I do. It feels like she just wants to be done and over with trying to talk things out and I don't know how to handle all the stress from school, work, my relationship and battle depression all on my own. She used to feel like my safe space but now it feels like I can't express my emotions without upsetting her in some kind of way.
What do I do? I love her, its just that sometimes I can't tell if the relationship is still healthy or if she still wants to be in a relationship with me?
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ouch. either you both need a serious break from each other, or you need to move on. this isn't pretty!
try taking a break (like, a couple months), and if there are still problems when you get back together, then it's time to find someone else. you both need to be able to lean on each other, so if that's not happening, your relationship isn't working out. maybe it's just a mood swing for her, so that's why I suggested trying a break first. I guess you'll see. good luck to you! I hope you find your happiness soon.
ReplyIn my experience, any relationship can only handle a certain amount of stress to the relationship. Two people whose relationship wouldn't withstand a lot of stress might have a happy 50-year marriage if they happen to get lucky and have an easy life, while two people whose relationship is capable of handling a LOT more stress (say, unemployment and a house fire and a heart attack and cancer) might still split up if they were dealt an awful trauma like the death of a child. Sometimes relationships get stronger when two people navigate challenging situations together, and sometimes they just reach a breaking point.
It sounds like your depression is one of those stress challenges for your relationship. Whether the two of you have the capacity to navigate it and come out stronger, and whether you both WANT that, is an unknown. The second part is something you can talk to her about. The first is something that time will tell. As an outsider, all I can say is that it's worth fighting for a relationship if you want to marry the person, but if you don't, sometimes it makes more sense to let go.
ReplyShe has become annoyed with you and could move on. Ask her what she wants out of your relationship. You both can see a relationship councilor if you think that will help. This looks like she doesn't have the feelings for you that she once had and is annoyed that this relationship has become stale for her.
ReplyDo you love her? Do you love her that even it's suffocating you'll still stay. But if you think that your love for her isn't enough to be the answer to your questions. Then, maybe you should try to find it. But, before you make decisions, remember it's aftermath, the consequences. And I know you'll make the right one, not only for your relationship with her but as well for yourself.
Replyremember, anything that takes away your peace, will never be good for you. Find peace...
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