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What if I don't know what gets me out of bed in the morning (something does, atleast that's a s start)
4 years ago · 5 · my future
858
Hey. It's me.
So, I'm just an ordinary teenage girl living in the Eastern Hemisphere of this wonderful, spinning, slightly tilted ball of land and water.
Like most teenagers, I have much, much more on my mind than anyone knows.
Like most teenagers.
I despise that phrase.
It feels like a label. As if every teenager is the same. As if every teenager has to have a mental illness, as if every teenager has to be moody and arrogant, as if all teenagers are in a hurry to grow up.
It makes us look like a group, doesn't it?
But that is also what many teenagers want. To fit in.
Not me.
I want to stand out. Be different. Recognised. Known.
I like to think that I am unique in many ways, but I know I'm not.
I'm like them. Like the crowd that I am forcing myself to follow.
I am forcing myself to become to pick science.
Nothing against science. I love science. I excel at science.
It's awesome, but it isn't what gets me out of bed in the morning.
I don't know what gets me out of bed in the morning, but I know something does, I just need to find what it is.
Following my heart is difficult for me, not only because I'm scared of where it might lead me, but also because I have absolutely no idea what it wants in the first place.
I don't know why I'm like this.
Why I don't have ordinary dreams.
Why I don't want to die without leaving behind a legacy.
I don't know if I'm brave enough. But anyone who's ever been great has had to do atleast a single thing that scared the hell out of them.
I wasn't always like this.
No.
I used to be like everyone else. With simple dreams. Being a neurosurgeon in NYC.
But then I read something and it unsettled me.
'Non Omnis Moriar'
A Latin phrase by Horace, translated to 'Not Everything Dies', meaning ' I shall die but my work shall live on.'
And ever since, I have wanted to leave my mark. Something that people remember me by.
But I want to leave it while doing something I love.
That's where I get stuck.
What do I want to do?
I've read a lot on 'discovering your passion',but in truth, I don't really know myself.
I've lost my identity.
I've lost the sense of being 'me'
I don't know what adjectives would describe me.
I'm always thinking. Never at peace.
I would like to say that this is because my mind runs faster than most of my friends, but again, I don't know myself.
Can you imagine what self reflections would be like for me?
'What is your passion?'
Umm, still figuring out.
'What are your hobbies?'
I don't really have any, unless thinking counts. It probably doesn't.
'What is your aim in life?'
What's yours? Making up idiot questions whose answers nobody bothers to read?
So, how should I figure out what I want from my future?
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Hey I am in the same condition like you
ReplyIt's tough, isn't it?
Like, you have absolutely no idea of what you want to do in the future, and everyone wants to hear your game plan.
ReplyYes exactly. My case is pretty different though. Are you the author of this post? @audry I am the first commenter
ReplyYes. I am.
ReplyWhat's your situation anyways?
Reply