What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
*free from suffering*
There comes a time when you become overly sick with going to bed alone, sleeping alone and having no body to talk to, comfort me or lean on. I walk this earth in a shadow of heartbreak and grief. So many things run through my head with no one to consult. How did I end up in a failed life! Only things that make me smile is escaping this trench for even a few hours. I want to love and be loved. I want a life partner! Someone who's understanding and always there to tackle lifes obsticals with. A dream for a normal, simple life just like everyone else. But I'll always be stuck on a dead end road with an unsuccessful life, broke and alone with no goals or future in sight. This merry-go-round will never stop unless I throw myself off and create my own way. I fight so hard to stay where it is already ruined. Something that will never be normal or real. I cant even think of one reason to enjoy this life. Constant anxiety and paranoia. Constantly looking or fighting for their attention. Competing with half of the town. Watching someone just sleep on your couch day in day out is soul numbing. I am so emotionally and physically unsatisfied. One look and all my motivation is sucked out of my lifeless body the moment I get home. Im being sucked and dragged into a life I always despised and fought hard to never be in! I want to be supported n given a better life. I try so hard to make it a good one for us but nobody else wants that or meets me half way. I cant explain the way it all makes me feel inside. My soul is screaming to be let go. How is my ultimate dream in life so much more realistic and possible than having just a normal life like every other normal human! If thats too hard than I obviously need to wrap my head around the fact I'll never be happy nor satisfied here. My kids will never have the life they deserve and staying is only showing them theres no hope or no such thing as love and its ok to settle for less or live like this when its not! Maybe if I atleast leave now, they will still have somewhat of a happy childhood. They would finally see me happy for once. Its just a shame it has to be this way and I have to end up figuring it all out on my own. Which I suppose Im already doing except Ill have one less person to do it for and it would be easier! I wouldnt have some blob on the couch sending me crazy day in and day out. Our souls dont connect. I dont even think they have one! We are two completely different people walking different paths, who just wont work and who will probably never work. Staying is killing mine and my kids souls and it wont ever change. Sometimes I feel like there is only one way out. But I cant leave them. I cant make them feel the pain I have been feeling for the past 3 years. How can one single adult make me feel like that! Like there's only one way! I cant stay I can't leave. Either way, I'm threatened with hell, in which I live in anyway. I need to accept what will happen and just fight it. If I don't I'll be here, alone, in bed, with no one to talk to, still in another few years. Same little spot in this huge bed, curled up all alone, feeling so much pain and fire inside my stomache, crying myself to sleep. Just wishing there was something for me. Nirvana.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
A Little Bit of You in Everything I do
I am not in your life nor you in mine anymore but everything I do I can't help but to think of you. I feel mental because it's not that I want you. Your not...
-
Just Another One Of Those Unwanted Thoughts..
I’ve kept things so bottled up that sometimes, I feel like I’m broken. Like I was purposely made to be different to everybody else and that it’ll forever...
I live with my dog and because I have no one with me I am happy. I love being alone and staying away from people as much as possible. I talk to my dog and hope to stay alone. I know God is with me, and also Jesus and The Holy Spirit. Lift yourself away from this thinking. Change your attitude and tell yourself to be happy and optimistic. Do the things you like and enjoy, and smile and laugh. If you can't and think you're depressed talk to a doctor.
Reply