I know deep down.. read to the end please

I'm bisexual (female) but I've always leaned more towards girls. I think I only have this deep down fear towards most men that I just can't shake off because of my past (literally like before I was 5 I think I was.. molested) and most of my life was pretty sh*tty where I grew up; born into a broken family. Psychologically, when you're in a bad place, it makes ALL of your mindsets kind of negative. However, there is always a calm after a storm, literally sunshine and rainbows.

So in thinking deeply and negatively, I constantly find myself stuck in a loop with my parents. They love me but they suffocate me. They're emotionally unhealthy, manipulators; make me feel complete guilt, like they are NEVER the victim. Sometimes I hate them, then the very next second I feel bad for it. They string us along but all coming from a good place, I know. Finally I thought to myself tonight, how bad this world is, to be excessive, overpopulated, really damaging to the economy. Nothing lives forever and even humans will go extinct, but we are ending our own world exponentially fast. This poor planet earth..

Humans only want connection, but as emotionally unhealthy as MOST of us have become, we are selfishly bringing too many children into this world and consuming more than both necessary and even possible! For ALL of these reasons, I will not have children of my own. But an epiphany arises, bringing back some positivity! When I find the GIRL of my dreams, we'll adopt and take care of as many orphans as we possibly can c: that's it! I guess everything happens as it does for a reason, I can just feel it <3