the odd child.

recently ive been seeing a councillor after my grandma's death. its shook me rather badly. ive always been a stressed out nervous sort of person and have had therapy before due to a previous family issue now resolved.

my councillor has been great, im never good with new people and im either an open book who doesn't know when to shut up or i'm jaws wired shut no thanks. Recently she told me that a lot of what she is getting from our sessions, what she is 'getting' about me from what I say, how I act etc has been causing her to look into other places for me and other 'professionals' to talk to. Mostly, professionals who know a lot about aspergers.

she says it might give me a better understanding of myself, of why I act like I do. that maybe it isn't that i was just an 'odd child' a 'strange child' who liked being in her own world and who gave inanimate or 'unhuman' things personalities, who liked that mamma and grandad live day to day by routine, that they understood i couldn't eat my carrots grated but can in batons. that i cant eat that part of my food till last. If i want to obsessively look for a certain brand of car then sure lets do it. Ladybird obsession? they rolled with it.

i've always been told that I was just a strange child, or that i have a bit of ocd. I need to 'settle down' when things get overwhelming to me. Don't be silly just go with the flow etc...

a lot of new people ive met through work have thrown out the Aspergers word to me before.

part of me wants to look into it...to see if it could help me have a better understanding of myself, of how I acted as a child and how I'm feeling since the passing of mamma. a safe warm figure in my life.

i don't know if this makes any sense. its just a throw out of thoughts in my head to be honest. my mind is always so rushed about. the filing cabinets in my head have well and truly been trashed about.