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My classmate opened up about how fake her friends are, how she's been struggling to make wise decisions and having troubles with her family. To sum up her problems, she's having a hard time. Even though we are not friends, I'm not a jerk to not help her. I feel pity for her because I notice her eyes are almost swollen because of crying. I just kinda don't understand why she's opening up to ME. She's so popular I bet she got so many friends that is willing to listen to her problems. Since she first met me, she's been wanting me as her friend but I don't want to be her friend because she's so popular and I'm more like that one introverted kid who prefers being alone than talk to people. She told me that her friends been talking bs about her behind her back and my classmates always judging her even though she didn't do anything. I didn't say much about her friendship problem because I don't really trust her, if I said anything against her friends she might tell it to them when they become friends again but I trusted her to be wiser next time into picking friends. I just helped her on her other problems. As expected she became friends again with her "fake" friends. I want to laugh at myself for standing beside her when she's struggling when her "friends" didn't. After that I don't want to associate myself to her anymore, she doesn't seem to appreciate what I did. I notice that she looks unsettle whenever I'm close to her. I just act like nothing happened. Just by that she broke my trust because she just said that she will not talk to them ever again but she is just like any other popular girl at all so that's why she comes back to her popular friends. Good luck to her and at least I helped her.
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It's actually true that many people who are popular don't feel like they have real friends. Unfortunately because so much of their life is about "image," they feel like they can never really be honest with the people around them, which means they never develop actual relationships. Think about the "mean girls" in lots of movies (Regina in Mean Girls, Madison in The Duff, Helen in Bridesmaids)--they don't actually have real friends, just "followers" or admirers that don't actually like them or ditch them when something better comes along. And sadly people do actually talk bad about them all the time. My sister always seemed "popular" in high school (I usually just had 1 or 2 friends), but much later she later confided in me that she didn't really have any friends and that people were always talking behind her back. It actually made me feel really bad for her.
So if you don't feel comfortable with the "friendship" you have with this girl, that's ok. You can choose to be honest with her ("I don't really trust you since you did [thing]") or just slowly distance yourself from her. Or you can choose to stick it out until she really treats you like a friend--if she confides in you, she does see you as a friend on some level, and hopefully she'll eventually mature enough to realize that you stuck by her even when she didn't always treat you right.
Either option is fine, as long as you stay kind. Don't be mean, but do what's best for you. Do what feels right and won't leave you hurt or feeling bad about yourself.
(Also, friends are good for you, too! I was a bit of a "loner" for a while because I was just sort of done with people, but when I decided to try making friends again I finally realized that they really helped me and I had actually been kind of lonely before! You don't have to be friends with this girl, but I definitely recommend reaching out to someone that seems like a potential friend!)
ReplyThanks for taking the time to comment, I appreciate it. I have friends that I'm very happy to have :'). I can't really see myself being friends with the popular girl though after she dropped me just like that. I feel bad for your sister, I hope she can find real friends too.
Reply*Same poster as first comment*
Here's a kind of funny but really good example of what the "popular girl" goes through from Inside Out:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=B3JgPVZsllo
0:47-0:57
Reply