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I do not want to die, but i don't see a future for myself. I don't see my friends, having a job, being connected to my family. I've been doing more drugs. But i'm only a female in 10th grade, im failing two classes, I have a job, come home every day and clean and make dinner, and i pay my own bills, i'm also 16 i don't have my permit or license yet. I have no freedom. My parents call me a failure and disappointment, and its hard to keep my head up. I've lost my connection with my mother, I hate my moms boyfriend, and i resent my brother. I resent my brother because he's everything i will never be able to become, good grades, does chores. But he doesn't pay his own phone or netflix account, he doesn't have a job either. It's slowly killing me and i don't want to go to college anymore. I'm scared of myself. Please help me i'm living day to day now, and can't see past today and int my future. I'm slowly falling into darkness.
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i can't even imagine what you are going through. a great way to cope with these feelings is to find two or three really little things that make you happy. they don't even have to make you very happy, just a little bit. for me, i love to listen to music that is slowed down. for you, it could be painting, it could be reading a chapter of your favorite book, it could be doing your hair, etc. if you do this , you will find a little something to look forward to on all of your bad days. i know it isn't much, but it's a great way to start moving away from the darkness.
ReplyTalk to your school councilor about this. Or if you don't want to do that try contacting the churches in your area because some have a councilor you can talk to for free. Life is full of ups and downs and now you are experiencing a down time which obviously means that things will rise up and become much better. So look forward to happiness in your life. You won't always be 16 and when you are older you can leave home and do your own thing without your brother and your parents. Look on the bright side which means looking forward to the future.
Replyim 15 and i come from a completely different place but from what i read, youre doing so much. you have school mentally wearing you down already and on top of that you clean, make dinner and pay your own bills. im really proud of you, doing all that on your own for your family. you shouldnt compare yourself to your brother even if its hard not to. because you do so much already, even if no one else sees it, i can.. just from reading this. please dont fall into darkness, you got this okay. i know you cant see past today but the future will have awesome things in hold for you.. okay? im proud of you for making it so far i hope you stay in the light :)
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