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He left a few days ago, and I'm starting to have so many doubts. I'm starting to worry if he is starting a new life without me and slowly forgetting about me. I'm seriously considering my future with him, am i really in this for the long run? Is he? I don't want to be chasing a fantasy that I'll never be able to experience. Since he's in the Navy I don't have the same experience as your "typical couple" does. We don't get to go on spontaneous dates in the middle of the night, he can't sleep over and cuddle with me, or lovingly stroke my face with his hands, or many other things that I had the pleasure of experiencing with him.
I feel like I'm so consumed by this experience that it is hard to focus on anything else sometimes. I feel that I can be an obsessive thinker, thinking and over thinking about things. I have so much anxiety at night that I lose sleep or don't sleep at all. I worry too much. Loneliness is scary, especially in a place where communication is already so scarce. Sometimes I question if he takes me for granted, if he's really in this with me like I am for him? I have so many questions and so few answers have arisen.
The next time I see him I hope our bond is still strong. I hope I can make him laugh and smile the same way he did at first. I pray those bright blue eyes of his never go dull in my presence.
I need to know when to accept and expect greater for myself, I need to be my own peace. But being there for myself has always been a struggle of mine.
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