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I always think my problems are too small, never like the girl that was crying or the guy that was getting therapy. Maybe I need therapy, I would think, but I never went or asked for it. Because I am not suffering like they are, right? It could be so much worse, so why I am still breaking over these problems? I don't talk about my problems much, they've happen long ago no one would care or believe me, so why tell them. Time heals everything they said, so I'll be ok I say. These constant shadows hovering over me will just always be there, but I'm overreacting right? I would always try to distract myself with the little things, like a light that chased away the shadows. It's not working much these days, and that light always has to go away, and I am alone with the problems and my head. So why don't I get help? I don't know, maybe I am beyond help. Or maybe I don't need help. They tell if you can still smile then you are fine, so I must be fine, right? But these thoughts are plaguing me, they're starting to come out when they aren't suppose to. Why can't they leave me alone? Why is it that I stare at my ceiling for hours unable to sleep? I am starting to not be hungry, or tired, just awake and something. I just want the thoughts to stop swirling around in my head. I'm starting to think maybe living isn't going too well. I'm starting to think no one cares, I'm starting to think I'm stuck in the same spot and everyone never stays because they got to keep moving. And I am thinking how the hell did I function before. I think I'm becoming dumber too. I think I'm an attention whore. I think I'm self centered. No one ever taught me how to fix it. Why can't I fix myself. Why does everyone around me seem so perfect, so perfect even with their imperfections. But when I see me I see nothing. And I just want to disappear. Please, let me disappear.
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I would advice you to get professional help. That is starting to get dangerous and I would love for you to get help while you still can. They are there to help you process what you have gone through. Anything you have experienced is important if it makes you ponder it. No matter how little the problem/incident may feel. There are people who care about you, even if you don't believe it.
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