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i just exist
i have no will to move on
i dropped out of high school years ago
i was depressed, so incredibly depressed, and i should have asked for help but couldn't and no one saw it. no one saw how much help i needed
i babysat for my sister for free for 7years because i needed to do something other than sleep and contemplate death
i almost died last november, i got really sick and the virus got into my heart. i have heart failure. the way it is now, i'm at risk for sudden death at any time and if my heart doesn't improve in a few more months, i might need surgery
still i have no idea what i want to do with my life, where's my epiphany? where's my sudden realization of what i want to do?
i just exist
i have 1-2 friends
they encourage me to find who i am
how
i don't know what i want, hell, i don't even know what i like
i'm trying to use this time in self isolation because of the pandemic to try and find out who i am and who i want to be
because i need a reason to be alive other than just existing
i'm tired of being here for no other reason than to be here for my mom
if it weren't for her, i'd have no reasons to just exist like i am and maybe i would've died last november
i need more
i need a will to live
i need to meet myself and ask myself what i want in life
it's strange that i'm a stranger to myself
people often don't understand what that means and it's difficult to describe
more than anything i need other people to understand that i am trying
i am trying my hardest right now to figure myself out
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I totally understand what that’s like. I dropped out of school for the same reason this year and I feel like whatever’s left of me is floating away. All you can do is try. Take it one day at a time. Depression makes it really hard to know yourself. Just give y oh raw of time. I can tell you’re trying
ReplyTry to find your answers of your questions by looking at the video in YouTube. It helped me a lot before to help me to find who I am and what's the purpose of my life. I try to look every random videos until I met a video that talk about the real purpose of us to born on this world. Everyone has different needs and wishes right. For me, it was in a religious sense. To know my Allah s.w.t more and learning how to get His loves. For you, I don't know. You need to try to find that answer first by your own self. Good luck
ReplyIn life you have experiences to learn from, niceness from others, lovely surprises, celebrations, good deeds from others and from yourself, and lots of things to do that you like. Life is yours to do with what you want so if you don't just want to exist do something about it. If you are depressed take fish oil tablets which are available over the counter from chemists, pharmacies, and drugstores. If you appreciate your life, your friends, and all that you have and not take anything for granted you will feel happier.
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