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To my one true lost love,
I really loved you. I tried my hardest. I really, really tried. I know you had your flaws just as I do, but to me you were perfect. Maybe I wasn't ready, maybe you weren't. The worst part is I'll never know what I did wrong... I wish I could talk to you one more time. 5 minutes for Christ's sake, just to ask why, why you left me crying and screaming on the phone, begging you not to go. Begging you not to leave, begging, and begging. I loved you more than I knew was possible. Everything in me longed for you, it was like you were created just for me. I still think you're the one... the right one, just the wrong time. And it sucks, to know I had something so amazing, but now she's the one holding you, she's the one telling you she loves you, and telling you the promises she'll never keep... I still keep all our promises. I know it's pathetic, I know there's no reason I have to. But I do. Maybe I'll see you again one day, maybe we'll carry out all the dreams we had, or maybe I've lost you forever. I miss you.... almost 6 months. And. I. Still. Miss. You. I can say that it's become easier. That both relives and terrifies me. But I can finally roll out of bed without looking at my phone to see if by some miracle you called. I can finally breathe without feeling the broken pieces of my heart piercing over and over. I can finally sleep at night without crying myself to sleep or waking up shaking and pouring sweat from seeing that dreadful day in my nightmares. I can say your name, without absolutely losing it. Maybe I'm finally moving on.... I may have found someone, but how do I explain all of this to him? How do I tell him that I'm scared out of my mind to let someone else see my heart, my mind, my body, hopes, dreams, fears, and all that I want in life. How do I give another person everything that I promised to you, and not fear that he'll do the same? I wish I knew why.... I know I'll always wonder. I still wish the best for you. I don't think I could ever hate you. Part of me wishes I could. The other part of me knows some small part of my heart will always belong to you. I hope you're okay.
Love,
the girl who would've given you the world.
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