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I've attempted...suicide I mean. Once, twice. I can't do anything right, I can't make anybody happy, I can't be there when people need me, I mean...I couldn't even kill myself correctly. How stupid am I? I've tried to tell myself that I'm worth it, that the world is just full of bullshit, but maybe I'm the one that's causing all this in my life. Maybe I'm the reason that led to me being sexually abused for 4 years, maybe I'm the reason I was verbally and mentally abused, maybe I'm the reason people leave me alone wondering what I did.
People wonder how I keep a real smile on my face, truth is, it's not real. I just want people to be happy when I'm not, theres this guy...him and my mom are the only one that makes me at least a tiny bit happy. This guy, he's amazing honestly, he tells me that I'm cute...that I didn't deserve what happened to me, tries to up my confidence. And my mom, her and the guy are the only two that understand that my depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts take time.
My dad just tries to force medication on me, telling me it'll "help" my "problems." Medication won't help me, it'll make it worse in my opinion, my dad wants me to talk to him but how can I talk to him when all he does is yell at me and cause my anxiety to be the worst? He argues with his girlfriend all the time, and that causes me to want a knife and just slit my wrists. This is a lot, I'll rant more another day because theres a lot to rant about and I don't think I'll be able to fit it all in one without me having tears running down my face.
-Depressed girl
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Well, just think about it in a different manner. First killing urself is not gonna solve ur issue. Besides u r not a coward u are a fighter. Don't u see how strong u r not everybody is strong enough to live a life with depression. constantly remind urself how strong u r. The time is bad but it's just temporary.Secondly follow medication at least that would reduce the frictionless between u and ur father. Try to talk to him on one particular matter get to know his opinion.See at times u need to be submissive and others u need to stronly make ur voices heard
ReplyYou are very strong to live with the struggle everyday. And it is a struggle. But live for the people who are fighting for you. The people who are trying to support you. And yes, world is an absolute asshole. But take it one step at a time. Learn to like yourself. It takes time and effort. I hope you seek support from someone else. Sometimes we ourselves won't know what is taking us down. And keeping us down. Sometimes a stranger can help us open up and speak freely. And help us identify and solve what is plaguing us. That will be a struggle too. But you will learn to cope better. I hope you find happiness! There is love in your life right now. And that's worth loving for.
ReplyTry smoking some green. Not too much, just a little to calm your pain. I feel for you. Life is painful. You seem well educated and intelligent. You don´t need to feel this way. Don´t hurt yourself.
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