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So I have a pretty long story so I'll just start when it all started. When I was 12 years old I found out I was gay. I didn't really know how to deal with this. I didn't know much about gays. All I knew from people around me is that it's apparently 'bad'. I didn't know what to do I thought maybe if I told everyone I was straight nothing would happen and noone would judge me. But back home was the real problem. you see when I was very young I used to dress up in my sister's clothes for fun but little did I know they all hated me for doing this noone liked me for doing this and would call me gay bur at that time I didn't know much. After I realised I was any I tried to hide it for a long time and which brings me to the present. I'm 16 now I've got noone to talk to about this. The only people who know are two of my friendfriends and they are supportive. But despite having these friends I still felt lonely like i had noone . It was really hard for me to live like that. Im gonna live my whole teen life as 'straight' person knowing that if i don't I won't be accepted by anyone. I have a bad family they all hate me and are very judge about the things I do I can't dress without them judging me. once I painted my nails and they all started making fun of me and I just couldn't bare with it so I had to sit in my washroom for hours just crying about y I couldn't just be myself. When I was 14 I started having suicidal thoughts. I used to cut myself I just wanted to end my life because I thought what was the point of living life when you can't just be yourself.i had a very dark time I didn't talk to anyone. But now I'm free I don't cut anymore but still closeted and feeling a mixed set of emotions cuz I have nothing to do.
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ReplyYou carry a very difficult burden, I'm so sorry to hear that... I'm 18, and I know a lot of people like... Friends, acquaintances, who are gays... And all of them embrace their sexuality. Sometimes, I act like a gay just to make my friends happy even though I'm straight.
But people like you? It inspires me a lot, and I think gay people are special, I was an advocate back in my high school days. And we defend gay people one by one, and not only that... My group advocators, one of them is gay too... I just wanna tell you that, you're not walking this struggle alone. People out there somewhere like us? Always defend your rights, because...
You no longer need to be a victim to the past. You no longer have to be a victim to a future in which you are projecting negativity. You no longer have to be a victim to anything that anyone has ever said about you. You no longer have to be a victim to the things that you said about yourself.
You no longer have to be a victim to anything. Affirm your vision every day. And don't affirm it as: You're trying, You wish, You want to. You are! Every single day, You are as the creative force of the universe. If you start to see that, you start to be that, you don't have to pretend that you are not, because you have a choice every day, not every tomorrow is still the same as yesterday... You don't have to be the same person from 365 days from today...
Look, I'm so sorry, I don't force yourself to act, but I feel down to see you pretend that you are not. Remember your not walking this alone, just act the real you. I'm so sorry if I can't help you that much, just love yourself and who you are <3
ReplyFind hobbies that make you happy, and try to find someone you really trust to talk about this with, if they want to listen. Being gay myself in a homophobic family, its really hard to listen to some of the shit they say, but its whatever at this point. If you need hope, just think about how different it'll be for you when you're living on your own. And tho it may sound harsh, be prepared to cut them off/be cut off in the future. Better to live on your own and not be associated with them than have them mess up your life.
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