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What if i wasn’t depressed
What if i could see the world in its true colors
Even for one day, one hour, one minute.
What if i can see myself like i used too
I forgot the last time i was actually happy
And all for what? For a girl that never loved me.
She said it right into my face, “i never loved you, i only loved the idea of you”. Imagine someone you spent more than 3 years with tells you this, imagine how devastating it is to give someone everything while they couldn’t give the simplest thing, their love.
“One day you’ll find someone who will change you forever” they told me, i think i already found her, and yes she changed me forever, but sadly it was for the worst. “I’ll move on” I said, but it’s been 4 years and i’m still attached to her, i still ask about her, how’s she doing, if she’s happy or not, what is she doing, did she find her one? Seeing her happy sadly is making me happy, that’s when I knew I actually loved her, when her happiness was everything for me, even when it wasn’t with me.
Every now and then i find my self writing, trying to find answers for my never ending questions.
How did all of this even start? How did i fall in love with someone that cruel. Did she change ? Or it’s just love fading away? Does love fade away? Isn’t the whole idea behind love is that it never ends ? I spend sleepless nights thinking about the best memories we spent together, the laughs, the ups and the downs, the i will never leave your side promises, was it all fake?
I guess depression is heavy word. But what do you call someone that can’t be happy, can’t sleep well, eat well, have a consistent relationship with someone? Isn’t that depression?
I miss her, not the idea of her, i miss her smile, her smell, i miss everything about her, how she used to make me feel like everything is going to be okay. How we used to live in our own bubble, not caring about what everyone thinks. She moved on, she’s happy. She found new friends and living her best life, I hope one day i can do the same. I hope one day some girl will make me believe in love again, because right now, for me love is just a lie, it’s just a scene in a Disney movie, it’s just a bad joke that actually hurts.
One day, i’ll see the world in it’s colors again.
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ReplyIt's hard to follow, when someone says let her go, live again, love again, stay happy or even you deserve so much better and so on.
But I also ask myself: what else can be done, instead of living again, loving again and staying happy?
Reply