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Do you know what I'm scared of right now? I'm scared that you are gonna turn around any day and say you can't do this anymore.
I would be devastated. For once, of course, because I would lose you. But more than that I would be so disappointed. Disappointed because it would feel like we never got a chance. Like you didn't give us a chance. Like I'm not that important to you, eventhough you say that I am the most important friend to you right now. Well, I was obviously not important enough to try and work this out.
You say it would be to protect me. You know what? I don't need your f***ing protection. I made the decision to be with you once and I'm making the decision every day. How I feel in this relationship, or better, how I let it affect me is my, and ONLY my responsibility and decision. If you take that decision from me because you think it would be best for me then let me tell you something. You. Don't. Know. What's. Best. For. Me. You "letting me off", so you don't drag me down with you is patronizing. Do you really think I would just sit there and let you drag me down if it destroyed me? You don't have that power over me.
Of course, this isn't easy for me either and I am hurting - it hurts when you call me a friend and it hurts when you don't answer me when you're clearly online. But if I felt that this situation could not possibly get better, believe me, I would leave. I know what I'm worth, I know what I want and how I deserve to be treated.
Here's the clue. I know that you are well and truly able to give me what I need, because I have experienced your affection before these fears took over you.
Your fears right now have nothing to do with myself, even you admitted that. But your fears do have a clear origin. You know that they stem from your traumatic first relationship. Your fears are not rooted way back in your childhood or anything. This is something that happened to you 2 years ago and you can recall all the details and what went wrong. As much as I acknowledge that it is anything but easy, it IS possible to work through your experiences in order to get better. It is not impossible. And I truly believe and want nothing more than to hear you say that we are worth it. That I'm worth it.
Really, if you left now and said you couldn't do it anymore, it would devastate me because I would do just about anything to try and make this work. I would put up with the waiting and the heartache. I would stick through it because I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - and God damn it is a beautiful light. All I want for you is to see that light too. For you to see that it really is possible to work through it and more importantly how rewarding it would be if you learnt to let go and commit yourself to me.
I am convinced that you and me can be so special together.
I have honestly never met a person I have connected more with than I feel connected to you. I have so much affection to give to you. I don't want to say that I love you but I also don't want to say that I don't.
Believe me when I'm saying that I'm not planning on going anywhere.
I know that you are afraid of giving yourself to me and then being abandoned further down the road. I have told you this - I have that exact same fear. I have been left before after I devoted myself fully to someone. I'm living with the fear that you could technically turn around some day and leave me too. We both carry this fear, so why won't you let us carry it together?
All I need to hear from you is that you're not gonna give up on us that easily. Don't give up on your ability to love and be loved.
I think that you could be the one for me. We could be beautiful.
Please, let both of us use this time apart (d*mn Corona) to work on ourselves individually. When we see each other again we can then work on it together.
Please, let me love you.
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Wow. Dude I really hope it works out for you and they realise how loved they are. You deserve to be happy and I truly hope it's with this person, if they could only understand you're not going anywhere. Good luck bro!!! :)
ReplyHey! I'm a girl but I appreciate the kind words, thank you :)
ReplyMove on or else you will be shattered so much that you won't b able to stand up straight.
This one sided fierce love only devastates doesn't build ..
Save yourself and your precious heart .
How many wounds can anyone sustain there must be a limit to everything.
ReplyI don't really see this as one sided love. In fact it sounds as if the person they are writing about does have a lot of love for them, hence why they think they need to let them go to save them from getting hurt? I don't know. What I do know is that fear of intimacy is certainly not an easy thing, I have suffered from it myself. But from talking to the right people it is possible to resolve the underlying causes and to learn coping mechanisms. If I were the author I would do the same and not give up immediately. It does sound like they have enough respect for themselves to leave if the relationship really destroyed them.
Reply