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Looking at our pasts and we see something happening that effects to us so negatively that we start seeing life from a different perspective from there onwards. When we remember it, we feel the pain again. The memories run over and over in just a day sometimes. If your day had gone bad for another reason and you remember your past on top of it, you feel so bad that it paralyses your being.
Who is giving me this pain? Is it my enemy? Who is my enemy? After some time I realised that my enemy is not the event took place in my past but it is my ego. The concept looks a bit irrelevant at the first glance but when I look at it at a deeper level, I see my ego wanting over and over to be identified with being the victim of my situation. It feels that I did not deserve this and something this bad shouldn't happen to me. Why? Because I am so good, superior. So my memories keep running over the same scenario non stop to make me feel like a victim that must do something heroic to save itself.
If I look at the situation objectively, I can see that I am not in the same situation any more. All I carry with me is the burden of a past memory. My ego has identified itself with this event for so long that I felt so associated with it in all my actions and perceptions of things happening. I had a curtain in front of my eyes. I had turned a blind eye to the present, living in my head, all the negativity.
Now I see things in a different light and am able to breathe again. I understand that the past is in the past and the only thing that can carry it to present would be myself. Many people would disagree with me but it is my choice to live with or without it. If I am afraid of my thoughts, who will face them for me? After all, they are only thoughts. They are not real. Once I realise the arising of those thoughts, I understand the feelings that follow. If I do not notice them, then I do not know why I feel bad. When I realise my thoughts and emotions apart from my consciousness, I see how the negative emotions disappear. I am now able to focus more and more to the moment and my choices are becoming more and more conscious. Not automatic. I make mistakes but I notice them. This is an interesting perspective to look at life from. Noticing the things you perceive within and outside keeps the ordinary things alive.
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💙 I have been working on this myself. Living in the present can be an unexpectedly difficult task. The past feels both burdensome yet comfortable, since the present and future is full of challenges and change. But it is definitely time to move on from it and take advantage of the now. Thank you for sharing your perspective.
ReplyThank you for your post! Feels good to know I am not alone on this. Yes I know it could be challenging but it really is rewarding. I'd take the challenge any day to feeling down and getting caught up in the darkness without realising it just a feeling not the reality.
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