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"Where have all the good men gone?": An answer from one of them (assuming I am)
4 years ago · 3 · Depression, +3
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My entire youth and early adulthood, up until my early thirties, all I had ever wanted was to find a woman I understood and appreciated, and who she likewise would me, and to love her unconditionally. The endless unapologetic and even disgustedly offended rejection was crushing. I resented myself, women, and existence itself. I spent all my days contemplating suicide and wishing my life had never begun, and constantly fantasized about apocalyptic events. I stopped taking care of myself, became overweight, alcoholic, and careless with drugs. Every moment of every day was pure hell.
At 32 all this depression reached a bursting point and I was no longer daydreaming about exiting this seemingly cold and callous world but was rather planning it, I had reached my ultimate crossroad and I knew it. I had a choice to make. I knew I could no longer play this game with myself and I had to choose to either go right (get it over with and finish myself) or left (pick up my pain and work to heal myself). I couldn't decide, but then I began thinking of my family, my friends, and all those who would be crushed by my actions and decided that I would at least make one truly committed effort to better myself and then, if it proved to be futile, I could at least go through with the act with the knowledge that I had sincerely tried.
First I started slow, I decided to quit smoking and prove to myself I actually could achieve something. It was hard and I had to also drastically reduce my drinking but I did it. Maybe I hadn't conquered the world, but at least I gave myself a tiny glimmer of hope and confidence. Then I decided to get physically healthy. I started eating right and exercising properly, and dropped 50 lbs in about 4 months, I was now cautiously confident. Life was looking up, I had a new glow, and women were starting to notice me. I could hardly wait to find someone to share my newly optimistic life with, but I was still extremely insecure towards women and worried about how they perceived me.
I decided that physical health was not enough and I had to pursue mental wellness before finding love, so I got to it. I found Jordan Peterson's online content and he began teaching me the meaning in responsibility and the acceptance of personal suffering, and soon I'd found Carl Jung, Marcus Aurelius, all other stoic philosophy, and many other useful intellectuals. I had strengthened my body and now also my mind, and it was time to find the person I had always wanted. Only one problem though, I now had so much happiness and love of life on my own that I couldn't bring myself back to desiring that. I found peace and joy in solitude, and what another person could bring into my life was no longer worth pursuing.
I am now 34 and writing this from the comfort of isolation due to the pandemic, and I can proudly say that I have nothing but joy and anticipation for what the future holds, and no future driven vision I hold houses a spouse. I am still surprised (and admittedly inflated) by the looks of interest I receive from female passers-by in public, but I am (aside from in that brief moment of appreciation) entirely unaffected by it. I look forward to the new and exciting adventures and challenges that lay in wait, and I hope all you out there that are dealing with pain and rejection can find the same. And to any guys reading this who are in that dark place, please understand that you are the only person that can manufacture you own happiness and confidence, and no woman is responsible for that. Let go of your feelings of betrayal toward them and you will find a way to let go of your resentment toward yourself.
To any women reading, this is not an attempt to blame you for the depression and anger that is plaguing the hearts of many men, it is just to inform you that many of your male peers are suffering a great deal in silence. Some of them find a way to heal like I did, some live out their lives in that place of torment, and many others choose to end their lives all too early. I do not know exactly what the answer is and I am not advocating for you to let go of standards and enter a relationship with any guy, but when finding that "Mr. Right" you should be aware that nobody enters this world perfect and fully confident. A man that exits childhood bursting with confidence is not confident, he is arrogant and likely narcissistic, and those are the ones that will not value you. They are the ones that get all the attention and they know they can take their pick, and they will never feel entirely committed to just one. These are the guys that all us men get accused of being, unfaithful pigs with no respect for women. A truly good guy is a humble one, one that recognizes he is not perfect and is willing to commit his life to growth and self betterment as a result. That's the one who will appreciate everything about you, not just the good but the bad too.
Sincerely,
- Just a MGTOW boy, lovin' my lonely life....
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Reply<3
very well written
<3
ReplyI'm glad you are content with where you are and I wish you so much of the same in the future. It is nice to see such a healthy mindset and I hope more people find that someday.
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