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Let me wallow
A learned journey back to confront the darkness
The physical, the existence is reinforced in mild
Steel eyed determination not to let it fester on the surface
Where previous victories solidified the defense
all too often drawn back, drawn down
To confront it, more evolved and eager
The environmental allows it to grow
Seeking to weaken and feed on the fear
That holds you back, keeps you grounded
Crossing the realm only exacerbates
Fears coincide with the realities
Those drawn near aren't by light
Attacking every offshoot of victory
Reigns in a constant night, a battle
Unseen as darkness aligns with darkness
You have to survive, the other needs your light
To shield them from the fire
Let the smoke fill your lungs
So they may escape the darkness
a cold & secluded place
Forever damned to continue the cycle
So let me wallow
So let me journey back to seclusion
So that I can defeat my demons
And be here to shield from yours
throw on a song, that harmonizes your being
lift the weight to stimulate the physical
get outside and let your spirit wander
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I needed to write, I needed to try to explain almost 2 decades. Being in a relationship, my position has always been the rock, to be what the other needs, but whenever I crumble alone I pick up the pieces, alone I build myself back up. Yet, I am always there, always the one to lean on, to listen; I have to be. I feel tired, but mentally I am strong; tired of carrying double the number of suitcases on my back, how do I lighten the load. How do I get out of this 23 hour night...
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No wow i mean that poem was beautiful even in its darkness.. I get that feeling very much so </3 and i bet a lot of people do. If it isn't a fair give and take (50/50) then it's like is that even worth it? I hope you feel better from all of this. Sometimes love clouds our judgement, as I was recently told in one of my own posts.. and sometimes breaking free is the most amazing and refreshing feeling in the world. It also clears our cloudy minds, to be able to see better! Good luck to you, and stay safe out there <3
ReplyThank you for your kind words!
I wrote this to portray the raw, deeply rooted emotion in my relationship; which has been exacerbated given the current government restrictions.
I can completely relate to love clouding judgement, when we aren't on speaking terms I have increased mental clarity; I can see things for how they really are. But my partner, gets angered when they see even a glimpse of happiness in me.
As quick as it clears, the clouds emerge and all is forgotten; and thus the cycle repeats.
I know the answer to my problem, I've known it for the past 8 years, but the fear of not knowing what is on the other side; that is what holds me back.
Fear is one of the strongest things that we as humans construct, I just wish I could hold on to the thought that things may be better on the side of it.
Replyhii
Reply