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On Christmas night this past year, my sister physically assaulted me, no good reason, but I had to defend myself and my well- being. This was just one climax to the story that was my life. December 25, 2015 was the day I lost my family, my home, my freedom, and having any period of a day where I was happy. I started to have multiple anxiety attacks a day, never have energy to do anything, I would cry at least 3 times a day... My sister was trying to blackmail me every day and constantly causing problems with the people around me. All I want to do is escape, get back in school, make friends and have a happy life doing what I want and need to do. This has been more difficult for me then usual. I'm constantly depressed and feeling paralysed. I'm constantly in this position of when I make friends, etc..., I'm busy, don't have the means to do anything, or just will ignore it so the phone stops ringing. I feel like I'm a bother if I call anyone to hang out. Just recently, things were finally looking a little up. I was starting things moving forward, hanging out with new friends, the phone would ring... I was taking intiative again like I used to. I was even seeing a nice girl, or so I thought... I'm sure I messed that up somehow. Now she doesn't talk to me... The phone's stopped ringing again with the friends. I was feeling the paralysis again before the girl stopped talking to me and the friends stopped ringing and now it's just gotten worse as my sister's birthday approaches. I have no family. No solid place to call home. No one around understands. They just see me as this always upbeat, smiling kid who talks to everyone and has a good personality. I was physically and mentally abused my whole life by my dad and sister, but what makes it worse is no matter how hard I try I can't just forget them and that hold on me makes me feel even worse. Even without contact with them they still seem to have this hold over me. I just wish someone would notice me and help bring me out again. Give me a chance. I wish someone would kick my ass. I could really use a friend to just kick my ass and get me moving. Something. I feel myself becoming a worse and worse person and I hate it and I'm just scared for myself. I don't know, as I write this I'm in a terrible way so I hope it's not just gibberish.
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