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Today is May 10th, 2020.
I don't have anyone left to talk to, so here it goes. Today I have been thinking so much, I went and visited my aunt and cousins. One of my younger cousins has a heart defect and he is having a difficult time right now, they just recently found out that he may have lymes disease(he's only 9). I went to go visit them today and I found out that my aunt is having a really hard time right now, as any parent would. But I can't have her give up, she is one of the most inspirational people in my life. She helped form the person that I am today, I owe her so much. I just wish that I could help more because I love her and she has always been there even when I didn't need or want her to.
Today I went and visited my grandparents also. I had a conversation with my Grampy about how my Grammie is sad now. Sometimes it is hard for her to get out of bed because she doesn't have much motivation. He also said that he tries to get her out into the sun when he can. I felt him trying not to break down in front of me. He also mentioned how much I've grown up, and how I'm just so big and doing so much now. I aspire to be like my grandparents in the future. They have been married for over 50 years. That's amazing to me. Growing up, my parents got divorced when I was very young. I don't think I ever really got to see what real love was until I was old enough to understand why things sometimes don't work out between two people even when they have kids together. I want to be as happy as my grandparents are with each other. There's something I want to do before it is too late. I want to interview them in a way if they would let me. I want to record them answering some questions that I have, such as, "How did you two meet?" and, "Is there anything that you regret?". I just think that there would be something special about it, and when it can be used everyone will be able to hear all the wonderful things, and the excitement they have for everything that goes on in their families lives.
Lastly...
I was thinking about my close relatives that have passed. First it was my great grandmother when I was 5, then my grandma when I was 13, then my great gram when I was 14, then my great grandfather when I was 15. I honestly miss them all and I can't stop crying about it. I don't remember my great grandmother much but I remember what she looked like and that she always mixed me up with my aunt. My grandma was the closest of the 4 to me. She would always give the best hugs and when us kids wanted to go on the spinning rides, she would take us even though she didn't like them, just because it made us happy. She loved making us happy. My great gram I remember always used to love the beach, it was her favorite thing, as-well-as ice cream. She had Alzheimer's before she passed. I think one of the most heartbreaking moments was when she forgot who her son was. I swear I saw his heart break. We got to say goodbye to her before she passed but it was really difficult. She was very unhappy, but I know that she would be more happy now. My great grandfather had lost the most through his life. He outlived the love of his life, and some of his siblings, and children. He was a very quiet man but when he did speak it always meant something more. I can still remember the last conversation we had. I remember hugging him goodbye. I just miss them so much, and I wish they were all still here.
Thank you for reading if you got this far, it means a lot. Please stay safe, and spend as much time with the people you love before you can't do it anymore.
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You are so strong.
After reading this, I felt really touched and sorta teared up not gonna lie. I felt a sense of understanding And relate when reading this because I also understand what itโs like for a family member to pass and slip from your grasp.
I hope everything goes well for your other family members too! You seem like you have such a beautiful heart, I just hope you and your family gets so much happiness!
I hope you and your family take care.
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