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Since the end of last year, I haven't really interacted with my friends. I rarely respond in our group chat and don't initiate conversations either. I've noticed there are times I want to say something but can't manage to go through with it because I overthink. I know my friends always have each others back, so its all in my head but I can't stop feeling like I'm the odd one out and don't belong.
What troubles me most, is if I were to just disappear it wouldn't bother them nor would they notice.
I dont know when my mentality changed and i suddenly found it difficult to talk. Its not like our friendship is new, I've known them all since I was 12.
None of them knows I feel this way. I've never been one to express my inner emotions. I'm scared that they'll think I don't care about them and just cut me out of their lives. But i do care for them. I'm just really struggling with myself right now. And I really do want to talk to them. But I keep doubting myself. And then I start questioning myself if I genuinely want our friendship to stay. Because wouldn't a normal person just message. So many times online I see stuff like "if you're always initiating conversations then drop them. They dont care about u enough" etc. and that makes sense. But I get so anxious and I doubt myself. I find myself saying "oh they're talking fine to each other. They don't need your input" so I just don't say anything. But far out I'm so annoyed at myself.
Like why am I struggling with such a simple task. I dont talk to many people. And then get sad about being lonely lol
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I feel the same way maybe because you’re over thinking it at least that’s what I say to myself.
To doubt yeah I feel you tbh I feel like even writing a sentence I feel like I might write it the wrong way or people misunderstand not sure I do think it’s all over thinking but then I’m like what if it’s not.
I have great friends all very smart and educated but can’t help but feel I’m not good enough or I’ll say something wrong and spell it in a wrong way not sure.
You know there’s so much I would like to say but yet I don’t. I feel this weird emptiness yet feel so much emotions god humans are so complicated.
But I always remind myself to be thankful so many strange things happing in the world I just remind myself it could be worse.
Maybe non of this made sense just know your not alone.
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