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My borderline boyfriend. You split again today. A ranting poem by a girl who is.. something.
3 years ago · 3 · BPD, +4
606
You’re there for you. There is no me. There’s only you & something beneficial on your pick of the day. Something homey. Something kind. Something filling. Something warm. Something sweet. Something helpful. Something.
I have a void inside of me that your making bigger. Eating me away, all that you can. But after days of chewing, now you’re full. Are you satisfied? For the day? The week? When will you be hungry again? You will be. When will you need something? You will. When will we be happy again? We can, once you’re hungry.
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I'm BPD and this post makes me wanna kill myself even more. Us BPD's really are worthless. It's understandable that people hate us. I just wish I lived a normal life as a normal person.
ReplyI’m sorry you feel that way. & I’m always understanding of him & how he acts towards me & our children. But he’s crossed the line so many times now, & nothing he does Is bad enough to him for him to go back to a therapist. It’s hurting me. People with BPD effect their partners more than anyone else. He blames me for everything. He eats me away & throws me out. When does it become about anyone besides him. When is enough enough & no mental illness is an excuse for the evil things he’s done to me during a split. If he was getting help. I wouldn’t feel this strongly. But he won’t & he still wants a family. But I will not raise my children I’m an abusive home. Period.
ReplyI'm borderline, too. But I don't see myself as worthless or deserving of people's hate. It's a mental disorder I suffer from but it's not all there is to me. As long as I'm trying to get better, do better and be better. I have accepted myself the way I am. We are all flawed, each in our own way. I don't blame my illness for my actions or the way I treat other people. I truly believe that deep down, I know what I'm doing, and I know it's wrong even if my thoughts are clouded often. And in my experience, people are more forgiving and understanding when they know you are effectively trying to overcome an inner battle and become more than someone who chooses to live under the label of a mental disorder.
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