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Today I just bursted... It was the worst panic attack ever... My mom and dad were arguing in front of me, pulling me into their argument and I just sat there crying and pulling my hair while they kept fighting... I was so scared, so vulnerable, my body was shaking... I was digging my nails so hard on my arm, it hurts... They kept arguing how much they hate each other and how it's all my dad's fault... I was so scared, I wanted to go out and just get out... No I'm not a kid, I'm a 20 year old adult... I have been dealing with my parents fighting since a long time and I am so sick of it... While they were just shouting I don't know what happened but I took the fork from the dining table and started poking my arm, I started digging so hard. My mom saw this and pulled me out, I was bleeding and shaking... I couldn't stop my sobs, I couldn't breathe... The thought came to my mind, what if I just die?? My whole arm is covered in cuts and bruises now... I don't know what happened, I kind of blacked out, like I didn't passed out, but my mind did... I'm so scared, what did I did? Am I going crazy?? Help me...
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No, you are not crazy......and It's not your fault that your parents fight, none of it is, never has been, Never will be.......you don't have to worry about your parents anymore, focus on yourself.......worry about yourself - classes, girls/boys, Corona etc. that's what we were supposed to worry about, we worried about the wrong things, all theses years.....so I am encouraging you, it's time to focus on the person that you want to become......you can't help but pay attention to them, when they fight, I know.....and when it's been going for years, it kinda becomes poisonous......you have to help yourself out of that environment......if they were fighting Infront of you, they suck at their job as parents........believe me, let them be......."follow the teachings of God, and receive his blessings......and so it shall be, that the seas will again be bountiful and the raging storm will subside"
ReplyPlease make plans to move out.
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