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If I didn't have children with my wife, I would've left shortly after meeting her. But that's what's wrong when you have to learn your ethics from dramatic movies and self-relate to zany cartoon characters, some of whom, were "hyper-active children". Between raising my baby half-brother at age 8 because my mom needed to clean houses to make money because my little brother's dad was an alcoholic and would drink away every last penny and never forget to tell me how worthless I was before falling asleep in his own urine. So that was tough. But now my brother and I have an amazing friendship and bond that I would never replace for the whole world. Ok, so I bump into this chick in my early 20s. We exchange information, kinda something "old school" to think about in the new pound-sign world. we go out multiple times, which every time was a bust, wrong restaurant, don't want to go to the movies or back to your place. I've never played an actual round of cat and mouse with a female before, ever in my life. I had to have her. I'd do just about anything to put my seed deep inside her because my animal instinct and her scent topped out at 100% insemination success. Days turned to weeks... you know the rest. By the end of the 6th month, I say "fuck it," and immediately find a replacement that I can blast on my myspace (I'm dated, get over yourself), just to get a fucking rise out of this bitch, who won't return texts or calls. Meanwhile I am obliterating this other female, both sexually and emotionally. looking back... I have no regrets, ultimately; She found someone shortly after and did the whole high school sweetheart marriage and kids story. blah blah blah. back to my story. the female that won't give me the time of day saw on myspace that I changed my status to 'in a relationship' with 'yada yada'. I got a phone call, with this very angry screaming woman on the phone telling me that I'm a piece of shit because I didn't wait for her. Or in her words, "I thought we were supposed to be dating and now you have a girlfriend? I thought you said we were together?", and I say, "Bitch I'm like a damn bull looking for some fine ass grass to eat and I've noticed our outings are shit and your grass is all dried up." Treating her in the worst possible way. Nowadays, a young innocent girl like that probably would've taken her own life after something like this. But not my wife.. Nope. She took it further and started whoring herself out to my friends. Mind you, she had me working to the bone and I hadn't even a chance to bury my bone in her wondrous pink lips bound by the chastity belt clasped perfectly to her birthing hips. 8 months no action with this broad and she's just going to give it away to hurt me because I fucked some other broad? Perfect, now I know you love me. I knew I had her, women are just like going fishing. set up pole, select bait, cast, and wait patiently. I immediately call the other woman and tell her that it just isn't going to work out and she tells me, "that's great because Brian and I," CLICK, phone in pocket, grab keys, find my future wife.... I don't even remember how it all went down, but I do know she's mine now. Not even two weeks later she wants me to meet her mom and dad, you know, since we're finally fucking serious! But I'm getting cold feet on the whole thing. I've never had a woman make me work so hard for anything in my entire life and you know what? She wasn't worth it. 7 at best, but I could smell her she could smell me and we could just ravish each other until complete and total exhaustion and total muscle failure. I'm talking shit that you don't even see in freaky porn, we did. So I finally agree to meet her parents. I go over for dinner with her folks and everything is going great. I get invited to the next holiday family dinner, which happens to be a week away and my alcoholic ass was broke and couldn't fly home for the holidays; so fuck it! Free dinner, if anything? Right? Wrong. I meet her family, it's like extended family I'd never met, people I'd never seen before, but felt right at home with. Weirdest feeling. The night goes famously and two days later she asks me out to dinner to "talk," Meh, I don't like "talking" , but why not, this chick is pretty down and her family? I don't know that I'd want to live without any of 'em. Dinner, she's mopey and kinda teary and I ask her if she's acting so funny because she might be pregnant. She runs out the restaurant and has a complete breakdown, thinking the worst, thinking all this time that I'm just going to pump and dump and be like every other man she's been with. The man I WAS, before I knew I HAD to have HER. Essentially, I caught the damn fish and with dividends. We were to have a baby! Once she realized I was elated and actually going to be a proud and responsible father and loving and caring "All American Husband, LLC." But after marriage and move-in and pregnancy sex, goddamn best sex you'll ever have, let's just put it that way; she was still that very boring young girl locked up in herself, never allowing a moment of self-peace, self-soothing. nothing, just nervous and literally a damned couch potato. Fastforward..... 12 years to be exact.
We have two amazing children, boy 11, girl 7. It's a nightmare and an ever changing atmosphere, but somehow along the way, we lost how to love each other. It's disheartening knowing that the love of my life is only so many "wrong words" away from leaving and I couldn't blame her if she did. I was mentally and verbally abused as a child, I had a lot of bad examples for "Father Figures" between the druggies, alcoholics, or beaters, my only example of how to be a man was from my grandpa. He held himself to a standard, he was accountable and could always be counted on. I wanted nothing more than my chance at fatherhood. To be a great man, the one I saw in my grandpa. And that's probably what would have happened.... If I hadn't been on my way to fight in a war on the other side of the world at that time early in the marriage, away from my new pregnant wife. I always somehow manage to make my life completely and utterly chaotic, maybe just to feel. But I need to be needed. I'm not done being romantic just because we have to be PG during COVID... But I am done with you... I've never been able to make you happy, you've never been able to make me happy. We're the best damn co-parents I think the world has ever seen, but as far as us, we've been dead since the beginning. WE were just dumb enough to stay comfortable after the birth of our daughter. That's when I should've left. I've spent so many lonely nights laying right next to you. not a goddamn care in the world. who are you? what did I do to you? I just want to be co-parents and get my life back on track, without you.
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It would be interesting to hear her side of this story.
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