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I am experiencing something I’ve never gone through before. I think I’m numb. I can’t bring myself to tell anyone so here I am. I just don’t want to smile or cry or yell. I want it all to stop. I wish I was just lying in a white room with nothing inside. I know I’m in pain but I cannot express it with tears anymore. I don’t know if It’s just me not wanting to feel or that I actually can’t. Sometimes I wish someone could take my pain and feel it for themselves. Not because I want them to hurt, but because I want them to know EXACTLY what I feel. Not to say “Oh, I understand. I totally feel that way too.” No, you don’t. You don’t feel all I feel. You don’t know what specifically it’s like to not feel truly happy doing anything. Or to be to scared to talk to your own family about how you feel because they don’t think you actually are dying inside. I just wish I could put my feelings into words for once. The complete copy of my emotions and struggles but as words instead. But I just can’t! It’s impossible! I will never be able to put it into words and that breaks me apart.
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You may not be able to express how you feel to any person anywhere but God knows exactly how you feel. So talk and pray to Him every day asking Him to take this pain away until He does. Then you must keep Him with you always. Do you understand that this is God bringing You to Him?
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