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[ This is just me expressing something dumb I've been holding back a while lol ]
Hi - I'm one of your followers on a few social media sites. I've noticed you had quite a big presence within this fandom; your artwork is pretty much EVERYWHERE and part of me is like, "Wow, she's really good!", while the other part of me is a bit hateful.
To be honest, I envy your talent. I'm an artist myself. I post my art, just like you, but the annoying thing isn't that you're more 'popular' - it's that when I see your work, it makes me feel like my art isn't valid enough for the fandom. The fanart I create isn't significant or doesn't truly show how much of a fan I am. But it isn't a competition, I know.
I don't have all the fancy materials and drawing tablets most online artists ( like you ) have - I've only got a sketchbook and a few pencils and paint. Your art is actually really good, considering you ARE an art student, after all. and you are like 6 years older than me, so there's probably that too.
Seeing your posts makes me sort of hate you, but I don't like that feeling. I don't know WHY I feel like I hate you - you're really nice! But I guess that's just an issue I have to solve; it's my problem. That's truthfully one of the reasons why I even follow you; to keep tabs on you and justify to myself why I feel this negative energy concerning you and your art.
I don't even know where I was going with this letter but it feels better now that I've typed it out. Jealousy has always been one of my flaws, but for the sake of my internet presence, I'm trying to control it - you are a great artist and some day, I'll fully appreciate your work :)
~ SapphireTears
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Hello! I'm also an artist who kinda struggles with these types of feelings. It can be really difficult to feel like enough, especially when compared to all the people who are so much better or who know more or who have better supplies. I don't personally experience the kina resentment and hate for other artists, but I've heard it's really common. I hope you don't feel bad for it, since I think it's a natural part of that self-doubt or jealousy.
But I appreciate that you're able to see that, I feel like not enough people do. And I appreciate that it seems like you're willing to recognize your feelings and work with them instead of shoving them away. That's so healthy and awesome and wow!
One thing I'd recommend is maybe trying to get your hands on "The Artist's Way" which is a book that I think helps artistic people feel more secure in their art. The stuff you're talking about reminds me of some of her stuff. I will warn you that the book is written in a way that kinda rubs me the wrong way, but I think the core messages are really good.
If not, I think one thing that will help is being able to recognize the validity and beauty in creating something not for it to be perfect, but because it's an expression of thoughts or emotions or ideas. Maybe you know this and it doesn't help, I couldn't say. But if not, maybe try thinking about it? Or maybe try re-drawing very old artwork to see how you've improved, that always helps me feel better about myself since I can see how I've improved. But I think maybe the key is feeling more secure in your own work? One thing my mom (who is a professional artist and art teacher) has noticed is that when she starts looking at other people's work on Instagram too much, she can start feeling really bad about herself and comparing herself a lot. So she sometimes has to take a few steps back and not go on social media for a bit and just focus on herself. So, even 50-year-old professional artists feel the way you do (if I'm hearing you correctly).
To be honest, now that I've written this, it seems maybe like you didn't want advice and just wanted to write? Which I understand, so I'm sorry if this is preachy or not helpful or anything. But on the off chance that it is helpful, I'm going to post anyways.
I hope that whatever is making you feel this way is easily located and you're able to achieve your goals! Much love and respect from a fellow artist!
Replyahh thank you for the advice - I'm relieved to know others have felt the same thing :)
ReplyBeware of jealousy because it can turn around and bite you.
Reply