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I really disliked this school year, all even before covid started. I used to be so enthusiastic about school. I'd actually look forward to going to school, look forward to seeing and talking to teachers, look forward to see my friends, and actually look forward to learning. I loveddd learning. But it just all went away this school year. Literally, I feel as if I lost all my motivation. I have no hope in myself nor my future. I want to give up on school. I'm rarely happy at school anymore (despite not even being in school right now).
During the school year, I was ahead of most of my classmates in many classes. I also chose a different elective than my friends, so basically I had no classes with them. Many of my classes were with other kids older than me. Other than not being with my friends, the classes definitely added stress. I had so much work from my language class which I struggled a lot in, I was in AP classes and had to study everyday but never did, and I felt like so many people, including teachers, expected so many things from me that I always put the most work on myself. I also judged myself. Criticized myself. Compared myself to other students. I ended up just losing faith in everything. I guess I'm really not strong enough. I can't believe that I've given up because things have been getting hard. I miss the passion I used to have and I have no idea how to get that back.
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I understand you so much. I've also lost motivation and passion and it's hard for me to keep up with school work now, especially being at home. For me, the only thing pushing me forward is myself. Other people can help you, but only you can change your mentality. Reach deep for your past passion. Remember and think hard about where that passion came from. I've been doing this for the past 5 months, and I've found it to be really helpful. It made me realize what caused all my loss of passion and how to get it back, no matter how hard it is. What's pushing me right now is the start of a new school year -- new teachers, new classes, new routines. I'm looking forward to a new start and hoping that I can make myself enjoy it more and not regret my actions. Hope this helped :)
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