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so it's my first year in college, new town, new people and i'm single.
i wasn't really looking to be in a relationship and i didn't expect to fall in love either, all i thought about was living my college years with the maximum amount of freedom, having fun with friends, making new and a lot of friends and just living each day to the fullest.
he's in my class, at first i didn't really notice him, we were like 50 students in the batch and i made close friends quickly and he wasn't among them at first, so we didn't really talk. but then, a month later, we kinda got close, his squad and mine, all of us got pretty close and that's when him and i started talking. at the very first moment we talked, we understood each other, we had the same sense of humour, the same sarcasm, it's like we read each other's minds, our friends noticed that we got along quickly, and him and i got closer day after day. one time we were talking among the squad, and he mentioned his girlfriend who he's been with for the last 2 years and goes to another college. i didnt make a big deal out of it because at the time, i didn't have a crush on him and i just saw him as a close friend
but then, i don't know... him and i started going out alone, we had our own jokes that no one gets, and we started teasing each other until i started having feelings for him and so did he. at my birthday, after the party they threw me which was entirely his idea, everyone went to their rooms, him and i stayed alone and out of the blue i just hugged him and thanked him for the birthday party, it was the first time we hug and we liked it so much, and that's when he confessed his feelings for me... he said that when we started spending more time together, he started having feelings for me and now he has no idea what will he do... i told him about my feelings too and honestly, i wanted him for me, but i told him he needs to make a choice either me or his girlfriend.. it was abvious he was so confused, the weekend after my birthday, when he went home and i stayed in the dorm, him and i never talked, except for one message from him he sent me "i think we should only stay friends". and from that moment on, i admit at first it was very very awkward, our friends noticed a change in our relationship and it was weird for him and i , but then as time went by.. we accepted our friendship and stayed really close friends and became even more close, he always said to me "you're my best friend" .. anyway, now i haven't seen him since quarantine started but we talk every day, in the beginning of the quarantine we kinda had a fight about the decision he made and i told him that he broke my heart, he said that there will always be chemistry between us and he'll always have a crush on me but he can't break up with his first love.
anyway, now him and i are still friends, we still talk daily but i dont know what to do.... i still want him for me, i still have feelings for him and i think i will always have feelings for him... i know we can't always get what we want and dammit why do we always want what we can't have !
i'm strong , i know how to controle my emotions and i dont want to lose him but at the same time i want him to be mine
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Honestly, time and distance. You won't get over him if you are still seeing/talking to him all the time. You can't lose something that isn't yours in the first place. You need to stop tormenting yourself and stay away from him. He probably loves knowing you are waiting should his relationship fail. Your better than that.
ReplyThere's no reason why he can't break up with his girlfriend?
I think he's more into his girlfriend than you, just sad.
ReplyOnce a guy has to choose between you and another bitch, its a wrap. You should distance yourself from him and all that. He already chose who he wanted. And then he's telling you that he likes you even tho he's with her. If he liked you as much as he said he did, he would have chose you no matter what, first love or not. Girl don't ever put yourself in a position where you are the second choice. You can't be friends with someone you love because it only hurts. If he's meant to be, then he'll find his way to you. If not just act like you don't care, because eventually you won't, it may take time but its worth it. Just keep yo head up and do you.
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