Just rambling (feel free to skip)

Why does my dad have to be the most toxic person i know. Hes never in a good mood. Takes his misery out on me. All mom will say is ignore him. Cant talk 2 him without being interrupted or like he's got lemon juice in his mouth kinda tone. Then its part because he abuses his meds and when hes nearly out takes the .miserable tones out on me. One human can only endure so much suffering. Just because he isnt happy he doesnt have to piss on my parade. He never could speak to me right. Then blame drug use to justify treating me like garbage. Then no other family will allow me to spend not even 1 night away from him. I have to pay because he screwed then over they want nothing to do with me. It sucks. Its rough. Its hard So ive been stuck with him because he barged in on my life and ruined it. Became abusive controlling manipulative. A narcissistic sociopath. I use this site as an outlet because not even people on social media will talk to me anymore. I told one childhood friends mom awhile back a little bit but all she wanted to do is trash her daughter for being on meth which I refused to do because they weren't talking and i knew they'd get over it and they did. She still wont talk to me guess because I said about her children you pay for your raising when you raise your own. Well she was a whore with boys likeher mom when her dad died. Her mom let her do drugs so shed get off her back. I ignorantly listened to my dad and posted that guess that's why she hatesme now. Whatever. Im good at pissing people off not meaning to may as well use the gift that keeps on giving. Now all she does is put on social media like she's such a badass. Yeah that mouth is why no man will have her sorry not sorry. You dont call people out say theyre trash and whores and over used big sized vaginas on fb and still act like youre the best woman ever. Uh no. The drugs really changed her. She called me negative yet all she posts is negativity. Ok whatever makes you sleep at night. Pot calling kettle. Ahem. Anyway I just want to live a peaceful life and be happy. Is that alot to ask. My parents all they do is stress and smokelike chimneys cant even go around the smokes so foggy usually. 1 after another. I hate it and i also dont wanna see them die from it. 1 has cold the other a heart murmur. Yet they smoke like its harmless. Mom got a stimulus check. Its half gone from cigs and their alcohol. I miss actually having caring family and friends. It sucks being alone people wise. I have to listen to my dafd long stories yet nobody listens to mine. Mom goes into a frenzy no reason at all sometimes. Im tired of being a scape goat. You can stab a piece of wood but the holes still there. Same with emotional wounds. Theyre difficult to heal.