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My first heartbreak was actually a few months ago. He was my first in many ways. I loved him very much. He was my everything for a long time. Almost a year ago i found out he was talking to his ex telling her he still loved her and that he wanted to marry her cuz she was the perfect women. I was spending the weekend with him cuz it was my birthday. I saw the texts on his phone they were about a few months old we had been together for 2 years already. He had been talking to her the whole time we were together. I left and a few weeks later we started talking again u have to understand, he was my first boyfriend my first everything. I was 23 when i lost my virginity to him. He said he was sorry i took him back like a fool. A few months some drama happened with me and my family and i left i didnt have anyone else but him. I moved in with him but we werent together we were just friends and that turned into friends with benifits, we acted like a couple in public and in private but if we got asked we would say we werent together. It was super complicated, soon i started to crack i was drinking alot and i was getting depressed. It got to a point where i tried to kill myself from how unhappy i was in a drunk moment. He was there and stopped me but he more than me decided we had to end things before it got worse. And so i left back to my family's place. I have been here for 3 or 4 months i got my old job back and i feel ok but deep down i know i wont be ok. I get the urge to drink alot but i stop myself cuz i remebered how confused i was when i woke up the last time. I am scared of being alone im scared of having to much time on my hands i am terrified.
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Many people are alone and quite happy to be like that. There is nothing to be scared of. Perhaps you should talk to a counselor. If churches in your area are open call them because some churches have a counselor you can see for free.
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